Then I ask, what is love?
And I ask, how to love?
All I did in the past was to chuck things aside, I never got past them, im a fool.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
maybe
This time, a potential trial seems to be surfacing at an appropriate time and targetted at a pivotal aspect of my life. Will this be fatal or crucial?
together
I had a good weekend this time round! Enjoying the last few remaining hours of it.. A week like that where I can have both sat and sun free will be a rarity for the next year.
Having YF on the sat afternoon, that time of quietening before God, seeking Him, learning His Word, supporting one another through prayer, having interesting chats over meals.. Its a sweet time.
Same for Sunday's congregational worship. Today's sermon was really rich and powerful, on numbers 13 and 14. I guess it was impressed on us by the Holy spirit because of recent events and very real issues which we face, especially when we talk about having a new start in leading the life of a Nazirite.
Trials are neccessary to make us grow and after 19 years of existence in the mortal relam, I can finally say that I truly thank God for trials. It is really really not easy to experience the process of trials, it always hurts cause something or some part of us must be destroyed so that someting new may be created, so that our hearts may be remoulded.
Jesus replied, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 1:23-25
Good reminder through pastor huang's 'famous phrase' that the problem is not the problem, the problem is with how people go about overcoming the problem.
God gives trials and God disciplines His children, but if we remain faithless and stubborn and only remain at the infant state of 'leaving egypt' and being stiff necked to refuse to 'enter into canaan'... we will take the '40 years route' instead of the 'few days route'.
Without faith, trials stay as sufferings and leads to misery.
Faith turns sufferings into a cross.
Faith gives an inner meaning to what would otherwise be experienced as meaningless. -quoted
Besides, trials shape a person to be what God would have him/her be. It will be along God's will. Sometimes I wonder how childish and wayward I would have been if God had not placed difficulties in my life for me to make me wake up my idea.
Trials do not obstruct but rather they aid one in conforming with the will of God in life.
In the passage, the lessons dervied can be segmented into the following:
The exploration: The pursuit for truth is directional, there is a why for everything.
The reports: What's really new? Isn't every problem which we face common difficulties which every human faces? In fact, there are bound to be those having cirumcstances more dire than ours on this sunny and peaceful island. Do we see the promised end and trust in God's almighty hand or do we see the dismal picture of what stands between both --- which really is merely our unbelief?
The reports: Focus on he problems itself brings exaggerations, misses out on the big pictre, downplays the ability and sovereignty of God and may even bring one down to his/her knees due to the sheer apparent immensity to surrender without a fight!
A christian ought to have their purpose in life in mind and pursue it at all costs, which with God's grace we may be able to overcome. A christian ought to fear, love, rely and depend on God.
God is faithful.
Break and remould,
painful and tedious it may be,
through grace,
a worthy vessel would I then be in the hands of the Master.
Having YF on the sat afternoon, that time of quietening before God, seeking Him, learning His Word, supporting one another through prayer, having interesting chats over meals.. Its a sweet time.
Same for Sunday's congregational worship. Today's sermon was really rich and powerful, on numbers 13 and 14. I guess it was impressed on us by the Holy spirit because of recent events and very real issues which we face, especially when we talk about having a new start in leading the life of a Nazirite.
Trials are neccessary to make us grow and after 19 years of existence in the mortal relam, I can finally say that I truly thank God for trials. It is really really not easy to experience the process of trials, it always hurts cause something or some part of us must be destroyed so that someting new may be created, so that our hearts may be remoulded.
Jesus replied, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 1:23-25
Good reminder through pastor huang's 'famous phrase' that the problem is not the problem, the problem is with how people go about overcoming the problem.
God gives trials and God disciplines His children, but if we remain faithless and stubborn and only remain at the infant state of 'leaving egypt' and being stiff necked to refuse to 'enter into canaan'... we will take the '40 years route' instead of the 'few days route'.
Without faith, trials stay as sufferings and leads to misery.
Faith turns sufferings into a cross.
Faith gives an inner meaning to what would otherwise be experienced as meaningless. -quoted
Besides, trials shape a person to be what God would have him/her be. It will be along God's will. Sometimes I wonder how childish and wayward I would have been if God had not placed difficulties in my life for me to make me wake up my idea.
Trials do not obstruct but rather they aid one in conforming with the will of God in life.
In the passage, the lessons dervied can be segmented into the following:
The exploration: The pursuit for truth is directional, there is a why for everything.
The reports: What's really new? Isn't every problem which we face common difficulties which every human faces? In fact, there are bound to be those having cirumcstances more dire than ours on this sunny and peaceful island. Do we see the promised end and trust in God's almighty hand or do we see the dismal picture of what stands between both --- which really is merely our unbelief?
The reports: Focus on he problems itself brings exaggerations, misses out on the big pictre, downplays the ability and sovereignty of God and may even bring one down to his/her knees due to the sheer apparent immensity to surrender without a fight!
A christian ought to have their purpose in life in mind and pursue it at all costs, which with God's grace we may be able to overcome. A christian ought to fear, love, rely and depend on God.
God is faithful.
Break and remould,
painful and tedious it may be,
through grace,
a worthy vessel would I then be in the hands of the Master.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
shift work
Shift work:
duty (24hr)
duty off (24hr)
standby (0800-1730hrs)
This kinda schedule is like making me feel permanently tired no matter what, heh.
Even rest days are used to sort of recuperate. I am starting to become really nocturnal!
duty (24hr)
duty off (24hr)
standby (0800-1730hrs)
This kinda schedule is like making me feel permanently tired no matter what, heh.
Even rest days are used to sort of recuperate. I am starting to become really nocturnal!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Sola Gracia Dei
I think I have already got to think out of the circle which entrapped me emotionally.
Ultimately, my allegiance and loyalty is not pledged to any one person or organisation or idealogy but to God and God alone.
Life was never about me, neither is all that I do, nor have done and is to be done.
A study of Esther's life brought me to the realisation of many truths.
Firstly, God has provided for her and paved her way from being under the care of her parents, Mordecai, Hegai and all the way till she was crowned queen of king Ahasuerus. Even before a human is conceived God has planned for and will watch over the elect's life.
Secondly, the power of seeking after God (though request for the exiled Israelites to fast) has radically transformed her life. It has brought about a build up in her character and given her insight into God's purpose, however, it primarily brought about the change in her through her yielding of her heart to be conformed to God's will. Mordecai's counsel enlightened Esther not to fixate her eyes on the problems imminent but place her hope in the answer to all --- God Himself, God's sovereignty, God's omnipotence, God's love and sure deliverance.
Thirdly, as a follow up to the second point is that God has included so called biographies of the lives of man to show us how God works through each individual's life in unique ways with unchanging faithfulness and character. God has prepared each one of us through life's experiences to meet with the next. God places specific people in specific circumstances to play specific roles for the accomplishment of His good purposes. How can man respond but exclaim, "El Shaddai, your paths are beyond tracing out! Your wisdom is infinite!"
Job's response to his severe trial was:
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."
He did not consider any of his possesions, nor kin, nor health, nor welfare, nor personal right to be his!
In this life, nothing is mine but the surety of God's promises given which I have claimed.
I belong to Him and He to me.
Through this trial I will willingly give up this ten cents worth and press on ahead to claim the infinite riches which Christ has promised.
Though it will hurt, but may God give me a heart to seek Him,
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
Ultimately, my allegiance and loyalty is not pledged to any one person or organisation or idealogy but to God and God alone.
Life was never about me, neither is all that I do, nor have done and is to be done.
A study of Esther's life brought me to the realisation of many truths.
Firstly, God has provided for her and paved her way from being under the care of her parents, Mordecai, Hegai and all the way till she was crowned queen of king Ahasuerus. Even before a human is conceived God has planned for and will watch over the elect's life.
Secondly, the power of seeking after God (though request for the exiled Israelites to fast) has radically transformed her life. It has brought about a build up in her character and given her insight into God's purpose, however, it primarily brought about the change in her through her yielding of her heart to be conformed to God's will. Mordecai's counsel enlightened Esther not to fixate her eyes on the problems imminent but place her hope in the answer to all --- God Himself, God's sovereignty, God's omnipotence, God's love and sure deliverance.
Thirdly, as a follow up to the second point is that God has included so called biographies of the lives of man to show us how God works through each individual's life in unique ways with unchanging faithfulness and character. God has prepared each one of us through life's experiences to meet with the next. God places specific people in specific circumstances to play specific roles for the accomplishment of His good purposes. How can man respond but exclaim, "El Shaddai, your paths are beyond tracing out! Your wisdom is infinite!"
Job's response to his severe trial was:
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."
He did not consider any of his possesions, nor kin, nor health, nor welfare, nor personal right to be his!
In this life, nothing is mine but the surety of God's promises given which I have claimed.
I belong to Him and He to me.
Through this trial I will willingly give up this ten cents worth and press on ahead to claim the infinite riches which Christ has promised.
Though it will hurt, but may God give me a heart to seek Him,
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
May God's word take effect in my life that it may not be in vain in the face of Christ's compelling, deep, enduring, everlasting, unfathomable love.
"As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
It was, is and never will be about me.
Sola Gracia Dei.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Scapegoat
I pledged my allegiance and sworn my loyalty.
All I got was manipulation, contempt and betrayal.
I am thinking in circles.
All I got was manipulation, contempt and betrayal.
I am thinking in circles.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
YF cookout!
The youths had a great time at the field outside jiemin's house today.
We started off first by having papers with names of biblical characters written on it to be pasted on our backs..which chai tipped me off by saying, "must give hongen a hard one!" so I just casually guessed that it would be melchizedek, and I was right, LOL.
(after asking 3 qns: 1) 4 words? 2) 1st word is 麦？ 3) 2nd word is 基?)
We sang hymns: a new commandment, 若 and Jehovah leads. Were reminded that we need to commit ourselves to any relationship so that it will grow, hence the need for yf, to also spend more time with each other. We are also encouraged by the fact that God who is in control of all things watches over us and leads us along, that whatever happens in 2010, He will lead :)
Then we played this gross game: passing the ketchup & write the memorized verse. yuck..
We passed the ketchup along from finger to finger and the last person wrote it down..
Feeling grossed out, some of us decided to take 'revenge' by ketchuping the organisers jiemin n jiaying, haha, so they got quite a considerable amt of ketchup on their arms. adrian got lots of it on his arms somehow too haha.
After clearing up, we played captain's ball - males handicapped version (2 males binded at one of each's leg to another's) It was hilarious cause guowei always slips out of the binding and causes kichi to fall and...lin chung & ri xi VS guowei & kichi ended up as a TAUPOK session hahaha.
Then came the cooking part. Our group's first fire was a fail..cause it was not self sustainable. Fortunately, we got the help of guardsmen chua! Learnt a lot from him on how to set up a fire. (I do not bother to do so outfield because of the issue with being tactical and the hassle, so I usually settle for biscuits and fruit bars.) One epic thing happened...I realised that marshmellows could burn! Along the way, we cooked different styles of fried rice, our grp kicked off with lingzhi style then huiling style fried rice.. there were lots of chicken wings, hotdogs, veggie & chilli fish. junwei came up with his world's best fish and noodle heh. (the fish was really good though :)
After the cooking most people left after the clearing up. Then we played frisbee, kicked the soccer ball around..and! --- slid down a ~30m slope on cardboards which disintegrated at increasing [d(tearing)/d(time)].. I only became interested in it when i went up the hill to grab the key from jiemin to go back into the residence with xinghui, but lol, i got too hooked up in sliding down haha. so xinghui joined us too after he was sian diao from waiting for me hahaha. I think tian meng or yu en is the best slider. Got lots of little grass cuts due to multiple failures..felt really itchy and prickly..
So we guessed its best that we go home at this point while some of the guys went ahead with their plans to play LAN..
It was a fun day, through the cooking, I got to work together and communicate more
with brothers and sisters.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, I think I will restart blogging so that I will be able to remember things better and sometimes I just need a platform for me to write out and sort out my thoughts, my blogging will still be on sort of an occasional basis.
Was feeling kinda upset just now that I would be doing duty tmr so I cannot go for sunday worship. I am thankful for having a brother who has often been my mirror, he shot a question at me, "why?" It did make me think for sometime before I organised my thoughts about why I desire congregational worship and it sort of reflected my selfishness in my desire of the worship of God. After all, although it is a joy to come together with brothers and sisters for worship and fellowship, the centre and object of worship is God Himself and giving Him the glory He deserves is the purpose of worship.
Other than congregational worship on sunday, a life of worship as we walk according to the spirit and in newness of life ought to be what we strive for.
For those God foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of Christ and those whom he called will be justified and glorified. A life that is yielded to Christ to be transformed to be conformed to the likeness of Christ Himself is a life of worship.
The crux of the issue here is the heart for true worship to attain the aim of glorifying God by being worshippers in spirit and in truth.
God wants us to submit to the authority which He has established in this world, thus it is my duty to submit. I ought to be submissive and not feel disgruntled. On the other hand, it ought to be my joy to lead a life of worship.
A Christian's life is one of joy!
Reason being it is one of faith, one of hope and of unfathomable love.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God. (pasalms 42:11)
my circumstances are not as dire as the psalmists and it is not presecution or oppression that I meet with, but similarly, when I ask myself why am I downcast, my reply should be the same --- there is no reason to feel as such! For my hope is in God, the work of salvation and the presence of God gives me peace.
We started off first by having papers with names of biblical characters written on it to be pasted on our backs..which chai tipped me off by saying, "must give hongen a hard one!" so I just casually guessed that it would be melchizedek, and I was right, LOL.
(after asking 3 qns: 1) 4 words? 2) 1st word is 麦？ 3) 2nd word is 基?)
We sang hymns: a new commandment, 若 and Jehovah leads. Were reminded that we need to commit ourselves to any relationship so that it will grow, hence the need for yf, to also spend more time with each other. We are also encouraged by the fact that God who is in control of all things watches over us and leads us along, that whatever happens in 2010, He will lead :)
Then we played this gross game: passing the ketchup & write the memorized verse. yuck..
We passed the ketchup along from finger to finger and the last person wrote it down..
Feeling grossed out, some of us decided to take 'revenge' by ketchuping the organisers jiemin n jiaying, haha, so they got quite a considerable amt of ketchup on their arms. adrian got lots of it on his arms somehow too haha.
After clearing up, we played captain's ball - males handicapped version (2 males binded at one of each's leg to another's) It was hilarious cause guowei always slips out of the binding and causes kichi to fall and...lin chung & ri xi VS guowei & kichi ended up as a TAUPOK session hahaha.
Then came the cooking part. Our group's first fire was a fail..cause it was not self sustainable. Fortunately, we got the help of guardsmen chua! Learnt a lot from him on how to set up a fire. (I do not bother to do so outfield because of the issue with being tactical and the hassle, so I usually settle for biscuits and fruit bars.) One epic thing happened...I realised that marshmellows could burn! Along the way, we cooked different styles of fried rice, our grp kicked off with lingzhi style then huiling style fried rice.. there were lots of chicken wings, hotdogs, veggie & chilli fish. junwei came up with his world's best fish and noodle heh. (the fish was really good though :)
After the cooking most people left after the clearing up. Then we played frisbee, kicked the soccer ball around..and! --- slid down a ~30m slope on cardboards which disintegrated at increasing [d(tearing)/d(time)].. I only became interested in it when i went up the hill to grab the key from jiemin to go back into the residence with xinghui, but lol, i got too hooked up in sliding down haha. so xinghui joined us too after he was sian diao from waiting for me hahaha. I think tian meng or yu en is the best slider. Got lots of little grass cuts due to multiple failures..felt really itchy and prickly..
So we guessed its best that we go home at this point while some of the guys went ahead with their plans to play LAN..
It was a fun day, through the cooking, I got to work together and communicate more
with brothers and sisters.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, I think I will restart blogging so that I will be able to remember things better and sometimes I just need a platform for me to write out and sort out my thoughts, my blogging will still be on sort of an occasional basis.
Was feeling kinda upset just now that I would be doing duty tmr so I cannot go for sunday worship. I am thankful for having a brother who has often been my mirror, he shot a question at me, "why?" It did make me think for sometime before I organised my thoughts about why I desire congregational worship and it sort of reflected my selfishness in my desire of the worship of God. After all, although it is a joy to come together with brothers and sisters for worship and fellowship, the centre and object of worship is God Himself and giving Him the glory He deserves is the purpose of worship.
Other than congregational worship on sunday, a life of worship as we walk according to the spirit and in newness of life ought to be what we strive for.
For those God foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of Christ and those whom he called will be justified and glorified. A life that is yielded to Christ to be transformed to be conformed to the likeness of Christ Himself is a life of worship.
The crux of the issue here is the heart for true worship to attain the aim of glorifying God by being worshippers in spirit and in truth.
God wants us to submit to the authority which He has established in this world, thus it is my duty to submit. I ought to be submissive and not feel disgruntled. On the other hand, it ought to be my joy to lead a life of worship.
A Christian's life is one of joy!
Reason being it is one of faith, one of hope and of unfathomable love.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God. (pasalms 42:11)
my circumstances are not as dire as the psalmists and it is not presecution or oppression that I meet with, but similarly, when I ask myself why am I downcast, my reply should be the same --- there is no reason to feel as such! For my hope is in God, the work of salvation and the presence of God gives me peace.
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