Memory

Stefan: Here's your diary.
Elena: Thanks!
Stefan: Don't worry I didn't read it.
Elena: Why? Normally people would.
Stefan: I wouldn't want people to read mine either.
Elena: Oh, you keep a diary too?
Stefan: Yea memories are important, I don't want to forget them.

-Extract of a dialogue in 'vampire diaries'

Random fact: I downed the most gross drink that I ever did thus far in my life on Friday night during a buffet to celebrate loon yuan's birthday - a concoction of 7-up, WASABI & RAW egg yolk. eerrghhuckkk.

Anyway, I think its true that memories are important. It seems that the bulk of my army life so far has been a void in my collective memories, maybe partially due to the fact that info on it would be classified and not public post material. But I don't really bother thinking about army stuff when I'm out of camp either :P

Some reflections from the breaking of bread service today:
The deity of Christ
Many a times when people ponder about the deity of Christ, a vague image or sketchy picture of a throne high above and vastly beyond our reach will be formed. Or perhaps one might envisage an ineffable light, something intangible or even inanimate, cold. It brought me to think of A.W Tozer's book, 'The knowledge of the Holy'. It was a book which contained Tozer's reflections on the attribues of God based on scripture, human logic, intellect and his keen observation. The content was really rich and deep, a good book that I'd recommend :) It will surely humble most and drive you to strive to know God more because you will discover that your knowledge is so shallow and limited.

Therefore, when Christ came into the world, he said:
"Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but a body you prepared for me;
with burnt offerings and sin offerings
you were not pleased.
Then I said, 'Here I am—it is written about me in the scroll—
I have come to do your will, O God.' "
Hebrews 10:5-7

The richness and even mystery of the deity of Christ does not make Him appear to be cold and far off. It makes Him all the more warm, a loving saviour of sinners, a creator of immense forbearance, a Father of mercy and a source of abundant grace. Because all the fullness of God has come to the mortal realm and is seen in Christ.

He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power.After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high,
Hebews 1:3

Such a holy God, who is so great, whose wisdom and understanding is unfathomable has come to save sinners.
Surely, this must be the greatest mystery and good news throughout the ages past and those which are to come and even beyond time when space and matter are long gone.

Love never dies

"Love is an act of a will." -PHLS

I agree! Love is not a feeling or impulse of the moment but something deep down that is immutable regardless of the ever changing external factors. That is why true love never dies.

fun day

I had a really fun day today!

Met brothers tiang meng, yi kang and wen hao in church at 10am today for frisbee, we lagged around till 1030 before we started lol. (ended before 1130). Although it was only the 4 of us, we had a great time throwing around 2 frisbees. There were many close shaves as the disc was en route for collision with people or vehicles! On one occasion, the frisbee bypassed me (from TM's imba throw) and landed somewhere behind me, while I jogged towards it to retrieve the disc, there was this uncle who headed towards it, picked it up and flicked it back to TM (WHILE I WAS LIKE 2m IN FRONT OF HIM @_@) diao diao diao. The rest just laughed at me and we continued anyway. So the entire hour was spent throwing the disc around, running around to catch failed throws and enjoying the morning sun (with exception of the haze..)

We then had some drinks, had a bath then lunch. Then short meeting for logistics comm for youth camp, then continuing on book store project for ~1 hr. We had YF today on womanhood (1), it felt really weird to join the session but I definitely did not regret it! It is because the subject of womanhood and manhood are constantly intertwined especially when looked at from the perspective 'in the beginning' through looking at Genesis chapters 1 to 3. Here's what's stuck in my mind: As a man - Leadership, headship, primary responsibility, protection, provision

By looking at Genesis 1-3, I also discovered that all that God created is good. "And God saw that it was good."

The emphasis in the Bible was not an overstatement! God had systematically planned and created all things for the sustenance of all man and still sustains all things. Not only does God provide for the physical needs of man. He provides for the emotional and spiritual needs of man, whom is created in image and likeness. God created a suitable helper for Adam because it was not good for him to be alone. God really had everything in mind! God knew that Adam did not know what he really needed and He showed him! Many a times in life, we encounter the same circumstance.

In the gospel books, we often see people from all walks of life asking Jesus questions, Jews, gentiles, pharisees, scribes etc. But many a time Christ did not answer their questions directly, perhaps it could be that we are asking the wrong questions? Our 'needs' or 'questions' may just be our perceived needs and questions. God alone knows what we really need, that is why we ought to rejoice in Him and be satisfied and content in Him :)

God is good :)

After YF, I had dinner with kenny, jay chua and tianmeng at the hawker. Had sambal fried rice with 2 poh piahs (fei lou..) I have a really big appetite, maybe cause im not stressed haha. In camp I only eat very little, usually I only finish left than half of the portion of rice issued.. (Maybe its partially due to the quality of food served :P) So we continued to tc a bit after our meal and then decided to have ice cream. Then we decided to go to NTUC to purchase ice cream hahahhaa. This is where farnie happens.

We looked around and saw ... crunch! Yum. The packet contained 4 sticks of ice cream, just nice for the 4 of us! It costed only $4 so we bought it without any hesitation hahaha.. Hurriedly opened the package, distributed the ice cream. Junwei was kinda fast so when he turned around I saw him holding on to the ice cream stick, so I thought WA! SO FAST?! Then I observed that he was wearing a really bewildered facial expression. He stared at the stick for a few seconds and said, "maybe I pulled out the stick too fast." - We realised that the ice cream was still in the package cause the inside was melted. LOL

Tianmeng started walking away hurriedly. I thought, "wa. so anxious to get a seat?!" Thats not the point, kenny and I started laughing madly when we saw where he stopped - the green bin LOL

It was cause his ice cream had also melted and collapsed from the stick, so it was kinda flowing out and yea the melted ice cream sort of flooded the bin's compartment to store cigarette butts hahaha should have taken a photo of it man! Reallyy funny end to the day.

QT was good, God spoke to me really directly through one verse back there. Main message - speech, humility, fear of God.

Headache

I have zero tolerance for nagging. These years of nagging has not produced in me patience but increased irritability, rebelliousness and a whole load of frustration. ah. crap. sigh. things never seem to change.

it was all in the past

I tried a new route home from camp today, bus svc 858 to khatib then train to queenstown... reached home 20mins earlier!! I must be pretty slow to discover this faster alterative route only after 10 months in the unit lol. However the travelling time still depends on traffic conditions and waiting time, so it really depends.

On my walk home from the mrt station, I bought myself a cheese pancake from mr bean (just to break the $50 note which my mum instructed me to do so in the morning, haha!) I was walking up the stairs when the corner of my eye caught sight of a grey van. It looked like those manufactured in malaysia with an old design, having this retro look, it looked like the van which my dad drove when I was young. Slowed down my pace to gaze at the van for a longer time, memories flashed into my mind of the times which I spent with my dad.

I remember once when papa and I went out, both of us hopped on the van. (When I was young I really stuck to papa like glue hah, especially during visits to relatives' house or when we were at places which I was unfamiliar with.) I guess its cause of the sense of security which a father gives, the child feels safe just by simply being around the father :) Then, my dad stated matter-of-factly, "When you grow up, you won't stick to me like you do now." I retorted immediately, "No! I'll still want to have you around wherever I go!"

I believe this conversation took place when I was still in primary school when my dad still drove the van. I really enjoy the wind (we usually wind down the windows instead of using the air con) and the slightly bumpy ride. In fact, when I take a ride in a full air conditioned and very stable car, I will get kinda car sick :S

That was ~10 years ago. 5 years ago, we said our goodbyes and by the abundant, amazing and all sufficient grace of God my family is sustained. It did not take 10 years for me to change. It was only a few years into secondary school that I had a change of mindset, I wanted privacy, I did not want to share my life with my parents. Oddly, this reminded me of Peter's denial of Christ and his initial stubborness to Christ. While this does bear resemblence to that to a certain degree, its not my emphasis in this post.

I have changed. For better or for worse? I think for worse >> better.

Papa asked me once when I was in the lift, "how will you feel when I pass on?" I remembered that I paused, was really caught off guard by that question, but answered him before the lift rached the 20th storey, "I will be very sad lo."

Papa was one who had foresight, who was always preparing me for the future because he understood the frailness and vulnerability of life. He was a great man, in my sight.

I still have many questions for you, dad.

Thanksgiving

Attended the Literature ministry thanksgiving session from 1pm - 3.30pm today. When hcls approached me to share 2 weeks ago (or was it last week? i can't really recall..) I was like, NO. I am a small fry etc.. that kinda thing. Thinking back I am glad God had not punished me there and then for not being willing to give thanks! After some sort of counselling from hcls that the sharing was basically to give thanks and how I have benefited from serving God, I decided to share.

I did not regret my decision but instead I prayed that the Lord would cause me not to be nervous but instead be joyful to share of God's blessings and amazing work which I have experienced in the ministry. He really strengthened me during the sharing!

I guess my sharing was not about the effort I had put in or the work I had accomplished, those are far far and way way too insignificant to what God had done for me and besides what I can do is solely a result of the God's enabling, hence nothing of my own credit. Firstly, I have to thank God for allowing me to serve Him. That in itself is already a mind blowing fact! I was once a sinner but am now accorded the righteousness of Christ and am now able to serve the Holy God.. Has the origin of all wisdom, the creator of the heavens and earth, which is so manifest with His unfathomable wisdom a lack of common sense or logic? Why would He want to have anything to do at all with His created being who has now become rebellious, ungrateful and utterly depraved? The only reason for all that Christ has done for us, His sacrifice to pay for the penalty of our sins is but one - love. God is love. I truly give thanks to God in my heart for His love for one as unworthy as myself.

I also shared 2 stories with my fellow laborers in the Literature ministry.
1) I was tidying up the bookshelf on a Sunday afternoon, when an adult male came to me and asked for a recommendation for a book for a new believer. I recommended him the book 要道琐谈 and then we ended the conversation after he thanked me and took the book. That night, xmls contacted me to ask if I had talked to a man this afternoon and I replied, yep. She then told me that the man called up the church and told her about me and then xmls had the opportunity to talk to him about the spiritual problems which he encountered. I think it is indeed God's blessing that He uses even such simple means to create an opportunity for someone to come into contact with the gospel and to experience Him.

2) I was on duty, I think on a Saturday night, was off my shift and resting, feeling very drained already. Brother tian meng sms-ed me that there was this guy who went to the book shelf to take a book to read, and then he heard the evangelistic meeting being broadcasted through the speaker and he headed to the hall to hear the message! I think it is really amazing how God arranges for such precision in opprtunity and timing to bring someone to hear His word.

Many a times, I go for tracting and come back, being just relieved that the word of God has been revealed to those recipients of the tracts and thinking that it was hard work just to get the word of God out there. Now I realise that I have been too narrow minded in thinking of the way which the Almighty God works!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
(Isaiah 55:8-9)

Indeed, the Lord works in ways which are humanely impossible to act upon nor the mind being able to conceive of!

It is a great comfort to know that the surety of the effectiveness of God's work and the accomplishment of His will lies not on feeble man but entirely on the Almighty God!