work day 3

Forgot to update some very interesting stuffs,
the male staff toilet at my workplace alone had....24 posters!!
That is like totally excessively "motivational"!
E.g 1: Keep the Faith
If you don't see the stars twinkle at night,
it doesn't mean they are not there.
They're just hidden behind the clouds and you will surely see them...
E.g 2: We aim to please, you aim too please!

Am still physically adapting to the working hours.

I wish you were here to answer my numerous questions.

hugged

I went for witnessing day 2 days back, managed to invite my friend, zheng guang for the english evangelistic meeting and am very thankful for that =)
His original intention to not to go and just go out with his friends for a chrismas meet up, but in the end he changed his mind and was willing to take some time off to listen to the worthwhile message of the gospel =)
I went everywhere else after the english evangelistic meeting haha, went over to the chinese side as well, made friends with chai's friend, yiyi. Had a couple of interesting conversations back there haha.
Then I went downstairs to the SSH to join those who went for tracting and chatted with them over fruits.

Feng Hua's mum is really humourous! [the following is a rough outline of the content of the conversation]
Her: Come eat more fruits, there's a lot of leftovers! (in hokkien)
Me: Wow, so much? Cannot la, we are already very full! (in hokkien)
Her: Must eat! Qizhi you wanna bring some back? (in hokkien)
Phls: Why don't you wanna eat it? (in hokkien)
Her: wa im si te bu! [I'm not a sow]
LOL LOL LOL
Funny logic that eating fruits like oranges is fattening hahaha.

Started wory yesterday, very thankful that I have this opportunity to work and through it, continue to learn how to learn. I have an excellent boss, uncle thian chew whom I address as Mr Thiang. He was really patient and meticulous in teaching me, guiding me along and took real good care of me. Guess thats the privilege and blessing of having a brother in christ as a working partner! He just makes me feel so warm, a warmth that I have not felt in quite a long time.
Had a headache and felt nauseous after work though, it was quite terrible and persistent cause I just could not get the tight-up-feeling off..so I took uncle kenny's advice that sleep was hte best medicine. I went to sleep but still I felt uncomfortable, then I prayed and God listened to my innermost plea not only for my physical discomfort but also for mental and spiritual protection against the many thoughts the devil were assaulting me with at that time. He heard!
I asked Him to hug me and He really did. Realised later that I received 8 replies..wow unprecedented.
Ah, wonderful prayer, so real, so tangible.
Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 3:4
To the LORD I cry aloud,
and he answers me from his holy hill.

work!

I got a part time job yesterday :)

Working in a sch as an admin staff, first time working though..

Money comes into play.

Hmm...

I'm so going to blanja those who have forcefully blanja-ed me and many more=P

brother who never fails to amuse and surprise

From _ _ _ _   _ _

10:47am

Hong En, i'm very bored.

10:52am

...now doing area cleaning..so bo liao..even window also muz clean..now nothing to clean..stoning

10:55am

...everyday rice..very sian..

11:00am

Haix..dont noe when can come out..hope its TMR! Haha..

11:05am

...havent cfm

hahaha, army sounds really boring!

Chasing after the wind

I was removing the stuff from my old cupboard in preparation for the moving in of the new just now, digged up quite a lot of old books, photos, notes, medals, certs etc.

It just suddenly dawned upon me that the strings of alphabets, the blocks of awards and the pieces of papers/certs were just simply blocks and papers that are rather worthless. I remember myself taking pride in these when I was younger in primary school, regarding them as my achievements. Now when I look back, I do not even consider some a feat to be worth mentioning. 

1 Corinthians 4:17 

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 

The wise look beyond and walk above trials and sufferings of the present life because they envision the glory in eternity that surpasses all the vanities of the present life, and they pursue it. Along the same line in the opposite direction, the foolish commit their entire lives to material pursuit, where the god of the present age has blinded their hearts with the pursuit of pleasure, indulgence and "achievements."

Philippians 3:19
Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, 

and their glory is in their shame. 

Their mind is on earthly things.

Self sufficiency is the height of folly.

3rd last sunday of 2008

2008 is coming to a close soon..

I kinda like the weather today, is nice and cool :)

Wonder if momo likes his botak head (which he should be, by now).

phls wasn't around today so shu yi took over, haha guess she's also influenced to use some english in class to accomodate our preference, she even brought a study Bible in NASB translation.

Couple of funny things happened today:

1) Eric and kristine, the couple to be wedded soon walked to our class,

    handed over the invitation card to chaijy

    ...because they thought she was the teacher, LOL!

2) While chengxi was watching tiang meng, yi liang and I play carrom, yi liang was rocking his small chair

    ...and he fell over

    ...and he continued to laugh at himself on the floor -_-

Ahh chengxi's going in for his army soon as well, all the best and have 5 full days of fun settling admin stuff at tekong. hahaha. Already got photos of chengxi and amos before army, can take a photograph of them a week later and compare :P

First sunday sch class outing!

Had our first sunday sch class outing yesterday, those who turned up were: yi liang, jia ying, jiemin, yue xi, cheng xi, cheng xiang, ling chung, ri xi, phls and myself. Hopefully its not the last! However if we're gonna have another one, it'll probably be an alumni gathering already :( Everyone's just busy in every phase of life..

Its ok, we can still have much fellowship on sat for YF, so...come for YF!!! :)

It was quite embarrassing when we met up at dhoby gaut mrt cause the sisters were earlier than the bros, we all woke up after 10am, hahaha. yi liang was the champ, he was still dota-ing when I went offline o_o

We had lunch at Cafe Cartel, where we made use of the opportunity to exhibit our fei lou nature by kopping the free bread when it was made available at the first instant :P

I was really satisfied with the sumptuous and filling meal :)

1) Main course

2) Soup

3) Bread

4) Iced peach tea

5) Mineral Water

6) Ice cream

:D

Too bad there was not a row of tables big enough to fit in all of us to phls ,cx, lc and I shared a table while the rest shared the long table :(

Next, we moved on to Settler's Cafe at SMU, along the way we noticed how quiet it was and noted it down as a future potential location for mugging, very exaggerating I know but its a really cool place!

Starting off by playing a warm up game snorta!

It was really hilarious when we had to make all the weird animal noses such as poh poh kia, oink oink, snort (can't be pronounced in words), meow, woof woof, webbit, quek quek, meh meh, baaAAh, squeak squeak and hee haww.

Then we decided to switch to a more intellectual game, saboteur. We paired up, me and chengxiang, cheng xi and yue xi, jiaying and jie min, phls and ri xi, ling chung and yi liang. First round was warm up and saboteurs won :(

Sigh chai and chia just makes an excellent pair. Second round was more interesting and tactical, but at the last moment...althought chengxi and yue xi were gold diggers, but I thought they were saboteurs from the start the gold diggers lost at the last moment despite the underground cooperation (b/w me and chengxiang n chai n chia) haha they were very funny, just whackk.

After that we went to look for brainless and crazy games, then the shopkeeper kinda owned us by saying...crazy games are brainless games.

-__-

So we played another 2 violent/crazy games: Sandwhich and UGLY!

We realised that chung was seriously a pro at it. But he always...FOULS!!

E.g for sandwhich, there are certain occasions on which we 'heart attack' such as double decker / slamwich/ snatch thief

chung: *slams hand on the pile and grabs it over to his side*

quarter of a sec later: chung says: "double decker!"

boo same for ugly but I thought ugly was more fun esp at the point where we had 5 pairs, it began to get very very tense and exciting! yi liang was just excellent at kop-ing!

Then we played another crazy game [jiemin n yuexi left at this point..] similar to heart attack called...I have no idea, so let's call it Bones since we gotta grab a bone after gathering 4 cards of the same colour..waa after playing ugly and bones, seriously radiated heat, even chung n chai also, lol!

Last game we played was, I'm the boss!

Very interesting game, especially thrilling when I spammed all my cards (I'm the boss! I recruit you!) on my 1st turn trying to get the most out of a deal! But realised after ward, it was not such a good move...slowly got overtaken and ended up 2nd by maintaining good relations though, lol. yi liang kinda got ostracized :(

However, I did not enjoy the game politics very much, its kinda ugly and made me feel uncomfortable about the treachery and viciousness, didn't really correspond to the aim of our outing I thought or maybe I'm oversensitive haha.

Then...we played: We went to CS because we NJ so we PJ.

The above line is crap.

Took a photo, but we should have taken one earlier! Then we made our way back home.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today, I accompanied chung to enlist, fortunately it was not as emo as expected..

I missed the train just by a split second arg!

So I met up with chung and his parents at pasir ris mrt. Went to have breakfast at Ya Kun then took the shuttle bus to the ferry terminal, the ferries had interesting names: Penguin Chawan, Penguin Princess oO

HE: Hey chung, so did you bring in any sentimental stuff?

LC: Er...your letter?

HE: Stunned, lol. [gave it to him today]

After which the boredom started...went on a tour to look around falcon company's residence and training areas, equipment etc, it was so sian that I forgot all the details..

Then came the part of the talk and the affirmation of allegiance, almost dozed off during the talk..

Was interesting to hear the batch say "Yes sir" for the first time, hahah.

Had lunch, talked and quickly, chung had to go assemble and we said our farewells, sigh I'll miss him much, one less regular-brother-in-contact for at least 2 weeks :(

Youth camp 08: Lord, teach me to love

AMAZING GRACE

This camp has been a relatively busy one for me as I was in the publicity group, venue 2 I/C and singspiration leader for for camp's main topic sermon. I still remember rushing around to find the missing MP3 kit right before the sermon on 1st night -_- Thank God, I was less distracted and unsettled by the duties that I was bound to during the camp and able to focus better than the last! 1st day games was rather interesting, while playing H2O, we kept sabo-ing phls :)

And my group totally dominated the 'blanket game', it was kinda cowboy, very exciting!

Basically one person from both groups had to go in front of the blanket, when it is dropped, each had to shout out the other party's name. So, sean and I did it ninja style by playing foul, covering our faces. The funniest part was when Jeff and Tom were on opposite sides and had the same tactic, when the blanket was dropped, both of them screamed at each other to intimidate, ROFL, it was a really hilarious sight.

For 1st night's sermon, [The infinite God becomes a finite man]

we learnt about 5 testimonies for christ, that of Himself, the Holy Father, John the baptist, His ministry on earth and the scriptures. Our 1st group sharing was great! Had much fellowship during supper too, phi gu acting out how chung walks, HAHA :P Didn't even get to deep sleep though :(

It is precisely because God is so great, that makes His sacrifice so great! One which no human can match.

2nd sermon for main topc [The Holy God becomes a man with sin]

God was a perfectly just God and cannot overlook sin, however, God is also a God of love, thus the only solution for Him to be our propitiation. God was wililng and it was God's will to do so.

"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

"Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"

Such are the words of the king of kings and the LORD of lords.

I cannot fully comprehend or share in Christ's intense sorrow when even God had to forsake Him and could not look on Him because of the sin of all man which He bore on the cross, for you and for me. It was as if, what light could be found in a sphere of darkness, from a naked flame was snuffed out. What anguish!

Christ's crucifixion is injustice in the human court, however in the divine court, it is perfectly just as it satisfies the righteousness of God. But, Lord, why?

Also on the second day, we also watched a a honkee movie/video about how a broken family was reconciled in His love, sort of saw some reflections back there. Then we played station games, did many interesting stuffs including making our own cheese cake! I did something really embarrassing though, the instruction read 'whip the cream', so yi liang happily passed me a block of butter/cheese and I literally whipped it, it took me about one minute to realise it was not the cream...

Went to play soccer in the muddy field which guowei, sean, jeff, yu en and yi liang afterward and I fell once when I tried to do a shaolin kick and slipped once -_- totally regretted not playing frisbee instead, bo jio! My shoes soon lost its shine :(

3rd sermon for main topc [Christ's propitiation]

God forgave our sins because of Chris't death on the cross and gives us his righteousness that is in Him.

Also talked about the characteristics of a chrsitian. 1) Does not walk in darkness (sin) 2) Obeys God's will 3) Loves God 4) Loves brothers and sisters 5) Does not love the world 6) Does not deny Chrsit is God

Slept much more quickly on the 2nd night :)

I thought the rest of the sub topics for the camp were really useful and applicable as well, sincerely loving God and drawing near to God. It really spoke to me regarding the fact that God loves us with a sacrificial and unconditional love and He wants us to love him with an exclusive and particular love, putting Him in first place.

"Has someone/somethings stole your heart away from loving me?"

"Many o Lord" I replied.

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18

Then there was games again, hahaha I was always looking forward to being active :P We went bubble-tea-straw-hunting. My group was purple and we had to find 10 straws to complete the game, so as we moved out, we saw a packet of straws so we just took a handful of purple straws and showed them to chaijy, she was like... ?!?! hahahaaa tio fake! Had much fun on the way, although the camera flash kinda hindered me haha, keep seeing flashes when I blinked. The games team did a good job on hiding the straws, very challenging!!

So my group was 2nd and we sang 'grace greater than our sin' in kind of a ... karaoke manner (flop..) esp uncle zhuang!

On the 3rd night, we also had a service dedicated to meditate on hymns.

May the Lord find us faithful,

May His word be our banner held high,

May the Lord find us faithful,

Everyday though we live though we die.

The 3rd night after supper was extremely interesting, the fun began when a group started playing chucky chucky (consisting of chengxi, phillane, polo, jieyi, yuduan, yingxi, zixin, chaijy, chung and jiemin) unable to understand the game, I went over to sit beside lion king (sean) and told him, "hey, let's come up with our own game!" So he immediately gathered one group of bros: guowei, yi liang, ri xi, andrew, kenny, mingfa(!!!), samuel, yi kang etc.

hcls joined in later and it was hilarious as we played: 0-0-7-bang, jurassic park, row-row-row-your-boat and AH-HIA!

It was truely retarded I must say, but we trained some 6 pacs back there laughing like crap, I doubt I have ever laughed so badly before in my life. If I have the chance I will upload the vids.

4th morning, every one was tired after the late night, lol. The brothers low-ed all the way during worship (infrasound).

I thought the message brought out spoke to me much, 

Destroy and cut down all your idols!

Rid of the things that displease the LORD!

All the vain things that charm my heart, I now sacrifice in His blood.

Love so amazing so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.

Lord, teach me to love.

Sunday sch class 08!

Woohoo! This is the first time that our sunday sch class has had this informal lunch gathering cum advanced birthday celebration. Hm I really like my class, they're an interesting bunch of people: yuexi, zixin, jiaying, phls, chen xiang, cheng xi, rixi, lingchung, zi cong, jie min, kai xin, qiao en, yi liang :)

phls blanja-ed us to botak jones for lunch, the food was really delicious! Except that the broccoli tasted rather..raw.

Most of us had our fair share of 'unglam' moments during lunch, hahahah.

1st up: lc chomped on his corn and somehow some of its juice which is the projectile followed a parabolic path and flew right across the length of the table landing right in front of me, LOL.

2nd up: cx was also chomping on his corn when someone said something funny then...you can expect what happened, he resembled a merlion :P

3rd & 4th: zx and yx almost simultaneously let out a shriek because...they broke the fork while cutting the fish!

quote from yuexi when she tried to salvage the situation : "it's the fish's fault! Not ours!" hahaha

5th: sadly to say, its me :( I accidentally spilled some of the sauce of the black pepper chicken (BPC) which I was eating onto...the white pants I was wearing, yea it attracted quite some stares -_-

We also had a very advanced birthday celebration for zixin, cheng xiang and myself, jiemin was overseas so she missed it, but of course we have back up plans heh ;) err lc, rx and jy sorta enjoyed playing with the soggy piece cardboard which contained the cake ??? The cake was hard to cut! Fortunately phls lent a helping hand, phew.

Throughout the whole period of time we talked about many interesting and random topics from comparing whose school was the most rundown to broccoli to algebra to drawing models etc.

In a nutshell, we must thank God for the wonderful time of fellowship we had with each other and thanks to phls and yfls who took the effort to organise this informal lunch gathering cum advanced birthday celebration!

I thought the sermon also impacted me a lot, challenging my values and outlook of life.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 

18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen     is eternal.

Only one life, 

it will soon be past,

only what's done for Christ will last!

chionging sports

Played badminton last night from 7-9pm with church friends, had to wke up early in the morning at 8am to meet the teens & youth at tiong bahru plaza (tbp) for our soccer game today. Fortunately tian meng called me at 7.40+ and woke me up, I forgot the content of the conversation but could only remember replying him with a very low-ish or old cow-ish voice (老牛）

Met up with amos, adrian, samuel, yu en, yi kang, zhen rui, zhen hao, tian meng, nicholas and hcls.

We then headed over to this place called bukit purmei which is opposite radin mas primary school, there was this fenced up soccer court which was a synthetic field! We played 5v5 matches, switching teams along the way, till about 2pm.

Many interesting events occured, hcls was nicknamed miltank cause his violent moves were like 'rollout' lol!

Yi xin (hcls') son even taupoked yi kang and me -_- he even kicked a ball in my butt while I was squatting down prior to that! Its quite sad cause I could not flip over as he would be slammed to the ground so I had to get the others to help get him off my back -_-, he's the first to singlehandedly taupok me other than amos!!

Soccer was fun, in the start I played keeper, wa seriously gotta be a tank to block all those incoming shots, knees and shin hurt after blocking :( but I lose my focus occassionally and let in some crap goals too, sigh.

Our last match was interesting, we played traffic lights vs others. Nicholas (yellow) Amos and I (green) Yu En (red) + Yi kang (white). Stopped playing at close to 1pm.

Headed over to tbp to have mac for lunch, felt like a camel while downing my upsized ice milo.

Yu En ate mega mac, imba. For the first time, he said he felt bloated lol.

Headed over to church to dpp, then the remaining ppl went over to amos' house to play pool and table soccer, I went home to catch a nap cause I was totally worn out :(

s10 class chalet over :(

Just finished chalet yesterday and went back home at 8pm, slept at 9pm just oddly, I woke up at 8am in the morning oO

The chalet was for my ex class s10, but anyways, all ex-s10-ers also joined, haha.

Chalet was ok, we had steamboat on the first day, BBQ on the second.

BBQ was really funny!! After the feast we bought a birthday cake foe bx and jen's belated birthday, shortly after the singing of songs, a whipped cream & cake smashing war broke out, funniest thing was that bx smacked a slice into jen's face till it squeezed its way into her nostrils hahaha. Ming Da and I just hidden ourselves in a really good corner and got some peace :)

After BBQ, gab and I pushed the trolly back to downtown east's fairprice, only to realise that its closed!! (the walk took close to half an hour)

Oh yea I forgot, before the BBQ, tim (the elite unit) and I walked from downtown east to ECP to search for a bike rental shop with rates lower than $15 for night cycling, fortunately we found it...phew. So we rented the bike at $12 for overnight riding and cycled back to our chalet at aloha loyang. We then went for night cycling at 12am on friday morning after everyone finished eating, cleaning up, packing, shitting and stuffs.

Jason was our captain together with second in command with cyril who planned the route to take to changi, tim was the elite scout at the front to chiong lol. Gab and I were the 'rear guards' together with loon yuan who entertained us with quite a number of soft maneuvers which almost made him fall. It was quite an unstable ride as some almost crashed or fell off the bike at slightly narrower roads and at bumpy terrains, was quite worried initially of crossing roads but thankfully most of the route we took are on the bike tracks and we only had to cross traffic lights plus there were already much lesser cars since it was the early am. 

When we crossed changi, I saw the first bapok in my life and I was like totally shocked!!

Night cycling was fun, after that we went back to chalet to bathe then sleep, arg couldn't sleep well and much as there wasn't much time left. We checked out of chalet on fri morning at 1030. 

Through this chalet I realised that my friends are ... insane mahjongers and some are PSP freaks, lol. 

People say "its time to fly, huh?"

Too bad the times of flight flies...:(

The cumulative fatigue still remains, yawn.

update

Will be gone for class chalet till friday.

A bare heart is what I need

I should just say:

" I don't know ".

Face it

Lesson learnt from sunday sch:

Do not give in to our reflex action of running away from the trials given by God.

Face it.

Trials produce perseverence, thus character, then hope;

above all, love which inspires our every motive and action.

We can rejoice even in sufferings because we can rejoice in the hope of the glory of God!

The noisiest mind can avoid the hardest fall and the deepest stab, 

the noisiest mind indulges in self delusion.

Within the quietest mind rages the fiercest battle,

will you flee or will you bleed?

He is able

Saying that its not easy is partially correct but leads to nothing,

but saying that I will and He can makes the world of difference.

sin

The influence of sin on self and consequently, others, is strong,

but stronger is the power of the Holy spirit by which we can overcome sin.

Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 

However, complacency in the sense of overlooking the reality of the prowling devil and his dangerous schemes will undoubtedly be a fatal error. Fortunately I have the sword of the spirit, the word of God which is life with which I can battle against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms!

thoughts

I can have a barrage of thoughts at any one time,

sometimes it seems many times more than the many speech bubbles which appear beside 

cartoon characters illustrating their thoughts, causing quite a confusion.

But where can I pour out my heart?

There is no such thing as personal time or space or I would have acknowledged my Lord in a manner

which is insulting and hypocritical. 

I have also come to realize that mere 'personal reflection' will not bring me anywhere.

It took me several hard knocks for me to finally understand that ONLY through fellowship with the counsellor, 

the one and only who knows me beyond my knowledge can I get some headway.

 1 O LORD, you have searched me 
       and you know me.

 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; 
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; 
       you are familiar with all my ways.

 4 Before a word is on my tongue 
       you know it completely, O LORD.

 5 You hem me in—behind and before; 
       you have laid your hand upon me.

 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 
       too lofty for me to attain.

His work permeates through every facet of my life!

Funky night

At the lib:

All went well in the library since I started studying except for occasional inconsiderate phone talkers who spoke with unnecessarily loud volumes. Then, one hour into studying...I heard some singing and music, I dismissed it as some other inconsiderate person playing music to spoil the tranquility of the surroundings. I realized it was not!

I looked to the window panel on my left and to my horror...a gathering similar to getai. (and yes, the 'music' continued)

15 mins before leaving the lib:

Heard the pelting of raindrops.

5 mins before leaving the lib:

! sound of pelting raindrops stopped. Assuming that the massive rain clouds were gone for good, blown off by strong gusts of wind, I made my way to McDonald which is a 10 minute walk away to continue with my study plans.

不料！

It started to rain again..

Sought shelter at the nearest bus stop, waited for bus 186.

All of a sudden the wind blew in the direction of my FACE. :(:(:( coldd

On the way walking back home:

Though the route was 90% sheltered, I was slightly more than 90% wet -_-

At the 2nd last connecting shelter back home, it was flooding, the water level was up to my ankle!

Funny thing was, this lady standing opposite was like grinning when I crossed over, maybe it was really hilarious to see me walking while my feet were totally submerged in the water o_o

Really funky night, lol.

Its time

Translate words into MORE actions.

Use what He has given me for Him.

Start working more on it!

I ought to

Run the race with what He has given me.

Accountability to God, not comparison with man.

My Lord's smile, not man's judgement.

Trust and obey!

in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires.

"Stiff necked" is a really interesting phrase which describes man very well.

It brings out the reluctancy of man to turn due to pride.

Man was created with freedom of choice to make decisions and not like lifeless robots, 

however, we always chose to stick immobile to our own will and way regardless of the consequence.

2 Peter 3: 3 First of all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. 4 They will say, "Where is this 'coming' he promised? Ever since our fathers died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation." 5 But they deliberately forget that long ago by God's word the heavens existed and the earth was formed out of water and by water. 6 By these waters also the world of that time was deluged and destroyed. 7 By the same word the present heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men.

To sin, man can completely vacate their minds of their sense and logic.

Witnessing the failure of another man, he mocks his 'misplaced faith',

he challenges "Where is your God?"

The christian's first realisation upon exposure to the gospel is the insufficiency of self, 

followed by the abundant love and grace of God.

Does it require more than common sense to understand that our human weaknesses 

are always the limiting factors?

To his own success, he says "I am able! My will be done!"

In response to others' successes he plots and schemes for their downfall.

Romans 2:3 So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? 4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance? 

The end if near, at the door step

directionless sheep, lost coin, wanderer

The 6 nights of gospel meetings are over and I thought that the messages of each night were excellent.

The word of God resonated within me especially on the last night which spoke of sinners as wanderers.(Luke 15)

It left me such a deep impression because I was a wanderer not only from my heavenly father but also was a wanderer from my biological father, my parents. 

The scenario mentioned in the passage spoke of a wanderer who obtained his share of his father's property and abandoned his home to squander his 'new found' wealth. He soon became poor and had to slog his guts out to earn a living, by rearing pigs, he felt like eating the food that the pigs ate but even that request was not entertained by anyone. A pitiful state. 

I never forgot how I strayed as a wanderer in the spiritual and physical realm before, even though I had knowledge of God, I did not acknowledge him, I was an ungodly person who in action speech and thoughts showed total disregard for God.

God is just:

Romans 4: 12 All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law.

Romans 4: 14 (Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, 15 since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.) 16 This will take place on the day when God will judge men's secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares.

Though I treated Him with contempt, 

He always called out to me, "come home".

Though I was stiff necked and disobedient, 

He always called out to me "follow me"

Though I had died in my sin yet when I turned, 

He said "I'll forgive".

Romans 5:6 For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 

7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. 

8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

From my birth, my life had no value, born a sinner under God's wrath.

However I am convinced that since then, before then, till now, His way is perfect.

At one moment in my life, I prayed a prayer of repentance,

I confessed my sin and looked upon myself as a human who is totally insufficient, 

existing with a life without any value.

It dawned on me that God, the Lord of lords and King of kings had in fact assigned a value in my life!

Matthew 16:26 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

It was a value heftier than any other, Christ's blood shed on the cross!

It perplexed me greatly, how man priced our only messiah at a measly 30 pieces of silver, the price of a SLAVE

but yet He priced each and everyone of us, sons of wrath and condemnation with a value greater than any other.

Therefore I reckon, I embrace with faith the truth that I am dead to sin and I live to God,

Let He be the sole reason I live for and die.

very random

I've been experiencing what I call a 'body-eye unsynchronous disorder'.

After returning home every night my eyes would feel really exploited but when I get to bed I cannot get to sleep. I usually fall asleep only at about 1am which is really unfavourable for achieving my aim of having a good night's rest :( 

Trials - perseverance - character - hope

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Entangled mess

Went back to my secondary sch today and managed to have some catching up done with friends and teachers.

Post prelim mood vs pre A level mood, 

I certainly hope that the former does not supersede the latter.

Through this prelims I have found out more about myself, I seem to be able to only concentrate on doing one thing well at a time and the bad thing is that I tend to neglect everything else to be pretty large extent.

Its really mentally taxing to be disciplined and to focus on doing something well and doing it to the best of your ability. Being a christian, it is all the more a necessity to be 'superhuman' to juggle all roles and have a good testimony. Its heavy.

Guilt vs reconciliation.

I have done this so many times before, hated myself, repented, relied on. Then the cycle repeats itself again.

The sheep strays from the flock.

It got discouraged of everything, the false exterior which is actually a total ruin, the body void of substance.

It began to delude itself, seeking solace elsewhere, seeking its other green pasture, seeking its own shelter foolishly,

by leaving it instead of tackling the root of the problem.

Grace vs abuse of grace.

I cannot hate myself more than the fact that I abuse grace consciously/unconsciously.

Whenever I survey that wondrous cross, my heart is beyond contrite.

I fail to understand why we can be stubborn in the face of sin, even boldly doing wrong things in His name.

Humans are blind. 

Our guilt remains if we claim we are not blind, no wonder Jesus told the pharisees off in John 9.

We can be so defiant and defensive of ourselves, disgusting.

He can turn the tides and calm the angry sea,

He alone decides who writes a symphony.

He lights every star that makes our darkness bright,

He keeps watch all through each long and lonely night;

He still finds the time to hear a child's first prayer,

saint and sinner call will always find Him there.

Though it makes Him sad to see the way we live,

He'll always say "I forgive."

He can grant a wish or make a dream come true,

He can paint the clouds and turn the gray to blue.

He alone knows where to find the rainbow's end.

He alone can see what lies beyond the bend,

He can touch a tree and turn the leaves to gold,

He knows every lies that you and I have told,

Though it makes Him sad to see the way we live,

He'll always say "I forgive."

Yet he'll always forgive, will you turn?