2 lessons

In response to my prayer to God to give me in a heart to glorify Him in sch and in all that I do, there were 2 lessons which I learnt today.

Self-centred

When I went for my 'meet the mentor' session today, only 5 of the 7-8 mentees turned up, of which all are chinese scholars. My mentor was a professor who was also originally from China. It was quite intimidating really, speaking in mandarin to them really made me feel like I was a malay or something. My prof even asked if I could speak in mandarin lol. My mentor felt really at home conversing with the rest of the mentees, I could feel it man. He is a nice guy really, relating to me in english as well, talking about how I need to catch up after NS and that I will need to catch up with academics. After the session, I was still kinda zzz-ish, wishing that I had a local prof, although this mentor of mine is a really nice guy. Then, this thought just passed my mind -

"Must every single thing happen for your benefit? What if this was for their benefit?"

Utter dependence

When I was back, mum shared with me that she went to hospital to share the gospel with a relative who discovered he was suffering from liver cancer. She shared, "I shared the gospel with him with the little booklet, managed to convey the whole gospel to him. After that, he said that he was tired and asked for me to continue another time. -pause- I think we did not pray enough."

What my mum said seemed really simple but reflected sound theology, that whatever we do, we still do stand in need of all things, in utter dependence of our LORD who provides and gives all that we "have" and are stewards of. Prayer was not part of the battle, it is the battle. It is only when we pray that we have a genuine love for lost souls. It is only when we pray that we acknowledge that only the LORD can change the heart and it is the LORD who saves. It is only when we pray that we declare our dependence on God and acknowledge ourselves as channels, as vessels in our Master's hands.

Thank you LORD for these precious lessons.

Jehovah Jireh

My first day of school on Monday

Waking up in time to travel to sch for an 8.30am lesson was z_z -ingly difficult. Anyways, I managed to get up and head for school. When I was on the train, I was reading through 1 John on my phone and after that I prayed and entrusted God with my worries and uncertainties of what lies ahead of me in sch life. The main uncertainty was the issue of making friends because I did not know anyone in my course since I did not go for the orientation camps. When I went to sch last friday, it was a totally alien environment and I only made friends with 1 dude from Mech engine and another from EEE. When my prayer ended, I was at jurong east station. I turned to my right and ... hey! There was my bmt friend junye! He is in the same course as me! :D (MSE) So we chatted about sch and stuff. Wa, thank God for his company. When we reached sch we had to split up cause I needed to go to the lib to buy my notes while he had to meet his other friends.

I lost my way in the library and could not identify the location of the print shop. Again, God sent another helper to me at that moment! I saw jing ni, my MSE yr 3 senior who was also my classmate in JJC! So she helped me and taught me about how things run in the print shop. Still, there was one problem remaining, The queue was long, I had only ~45mins to get my notes. I then ran into a friend, ivan which I knew from JJC as we were OGLs back then, wa awesome. With him was zhi kai, who was in MSE! First friend made just like that! When I went to lectures, I also got to know more of zhi kai's friends who were also in MSE and somehow they were fellow specs from 3SIR lol. Jun ye was actually zhi kai's man, what a coincidence.

The last lecture for the day was pretty interesting, on economics of manufacturing an AHSS elective. The lecturer was a businessman who was the GM for a multi million dollar business so it was pretty interesting to hear how things really work. He is pretty insightful and does not merely focus on the strategies but also execution of plans with the heart. I guess he will be a pretty good boss if he does what he preaches! From 1830-1930, I was supposed to have tut right after that lecture but he mentioned halfway that there will be no tuts for this module, WIN. The whole LT cheered!! I was also taken aback and really happy that I could make it for Bible study. Thanksgiving flooded my mind at that moment. I do not remember praying for a good timetable so that I could make it for BS, but when I first got it, I was like.. ok I gotta fly down to pastor's house for BS, I decided that I would cab. This has really humbled me, that I should pray about things, everything, especially these things which are of eternal value. The LORD truly provides. I really treasure BS because we learn many valuable lessons everytime and we encourage one another as a community to live out those truths. This week, we were reminded of Jesus Christ as our mediator and that ought to be a point to note in our prayers. Indeed, as pastor shared, it is so precious to exclaim at the end of our learning, 'What a great God we have!' rather than go back home patting ourselves on the back, satisfied with an increase in knowledge.

My first day was nothing.short.of.amazing.

Today I went for MSE day and it was my 3rd day in sch, and having free lunch for the 3rd time in a row as well LOL. It was pretty cool, got a MSE day shirt too, wow my sch is really pretty rich on funds! Anyway I met some friendly people who were friends of jingni and jen. It is my observation that it always seems that people who are in relationships are more hospitable and self sacrificial.

I heard this from a TV show:

欲望是索取，

爱是付出。

Pretty true! Some food for thought.

Deceit

After I went to school pm Friday, I made a scary realisation of my heart. As I alighted the shuttle bus and walked toward nanyang auditorium, the once familiar sense of unfamiliarity came over me. I felt uneasy at first and then when I reached the entrance of nanyang auditorium, there were crowds and groups gathering. It was then that I felt regret, regret for not signing up for orientation camp. I kept thinking to myself that I could have been in one of those groups, with friends, a circle which can shelter me from alienation.

I thought back on my decision on why I did not want to join orientation camp. Up till the very last day of deadline I was still considering on whether I should have joined camp.. My reasons for skipping camp was because of stories from seniors and knowing the strong SDU links and influence on the camps, orientation camp was gonna be more like a 'dating camp', I did not want to force myself to go through such a camp, put myself in awkward situations and having to reject almost every 'dating' activity or those which are against my christian values. Also, I consider such flippant interactions with the opposite sex to be considered to be flirting or worse, it is against the convictions which I have about attraction, relationship and of love.I feel that SDU makes lab rats out of the freshmen attending such camps.

It struck me at the point in time when I felt regret that my intentions for not attending camp were..superficial and impure. If you had read it, it might even have appeared to be a witness for Christ. My intentions were not to glorify Christ. They were at best a personal preference. Christ was definitely not pre eminent. This experience was really humbling, because even in doing the apparently right thing may not be right and may not have any eternal value at all if we do not have the right heart because God sees and knows the hearts of all men.

^{I cannot trust in my own heart, nor can I even judge it, only God can. Much less judge others' heart and impute intentions to their actions and words.}

The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick;
Who can understand it?
“I, the LORD, search the heart,
I test the mind,
Even to give to each man according to his ways,
According to the results of his deeds.

Jeremiah 17:9-10