Shepherd of my soul

I always have this habit of playing my life forward in my mind. Just a thought, I think its pretty impossible for me to ever share my world with someone else, its...simply too heavy. Then again, playing my life forward isn't exactly what it means to live by faith. Trust...and obey. Glad that the Creator of all the universe, God Almighty is the Shepherd of my soul :)

monologue

Sometimes I feel like diving right into the rat race, sacrifice everything, bash through and get those good grades, just so that I feel good, look good in front of my peers, sadly, even in the eyes of my family.
I have gone down this path before, the trophy commemorating my success in obsession and idolatry still stands in my room, awaiting its destruction at an opportune timing, preferably for educational purposes.
Today I will brush aside frustration and tell myself plainly, 'I refuse to.'
I know I will lose my soul if I walk down that path, it is a path of love for the world, pride of this life, vanity, narcissism, it is a fleeting joy, pleasing in the eyes of Man, not God. Thank God for the refresher lesson on trusting in Him! Life isn't about grades, money, career, accomplishments, acknowledgement from Man. Life is about purification, redemption, glorification of us in God & God in us, according to the grace in Jesus Christ. Its about faith, love and hope. Praise the LORD.

Remember, an audience of One.

only

only in trials and temptations would one be driven to utter dependence,

only in humility would one truly learn to obey,

only in obedience would one find true joy..

only in acknowledging God in all my ways and trusting Him with all my heart will His purposes be accomplished in all that He has and will orchestrate in my life.

beautiful girl

"I do not understand much of society's thoughts and formulas on marriage and the partnership therein. It only makes sense to me the way God stated it so clearly in the begnning. He made woman for man, and within that context the idea of fifty-fifty giving that I hear of does not seem to fit. I want the simplicity and purity of the perspective that when I commit myself to a man in marriage I shall give all that I have to him in love, without any claims to what I desire out of him. Being very aware of my humanness and my sinfulness, I know that I shall want, that I shall, at various moments, know selfishness, restlessness, and dissatisfaction, but my striving shall remain toward the higher road of what I believe to be obedience." -unknown

wow.

Hope: A double edged sword

Hope can either give you the breath of life or death.

THERE IS A HOPE

THERE IS A HOPE

There is a hope that burns within my heart,
That gives me strength for ev’ry passing day;
a glimpse of glory now revealed in meager part,
Yet drives all doubt away:
I stand in Christ, with sins forgiv’n;
and Christ in me, the hope of heav’n!
My highest calling and my deepest joy,
to make His will my home.

There is a hope that lifts my weary head,
A consolation strong against despair,
That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit,
I find the Savior there!
Through present sufferings, future’s fear,
He whispers, “Courage!” in my ear.
For I am safe in everlasting arms,
And they will lead me home.

There is a hope that stands the test of time,
That lifts my eyes beyond the beckoning grave,
To see the matchless beauty of a day divine
When I behold His face!
When sufferings cease and sorrows die,
and every longing satisfied,
then joy unspeakable will flood my soul,
For I am truly home.

THERE IS A HOPE
by Stuart Townend and Mark Edwards
Copyright (c) 2007 Thankyou Music.

echo

April 2 - I am seized with fear that my own will be given place, and I will thus ruin my usableness for God. It would be easy to follow my feelings ... to interfere with the voice of the Lord when He says, "This is the way, walk ye in it."  Elisabeth Elliot


Until the will and the affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone accept His Lordship. The Cross, as it enters the love life, will reveal the heart's truth. My heart, I knew, would be forever a lonely hunter unless settled "where true joys are to be found."
Passion & Purity: Learning to bring your love life under Christ's control

Lesson 2: God is Holy

Cambodia, Day 3, Lesson 2: God is Holy
Passage reading: Exodus v1-4
Other learning points: Reading in context (Ex 19&21)


God is Holy:
(1) He is perfectly pure and sinless.
(2) He is the one and only true God, there is no other like Him


I found that the very words which proceeded out of my own mouth to condemn myself.
------------------------------------------------------
I asked the LORD, why didn't you kill me then and there when I sinned against you so many times before?
He said, "that you may know my mercy."
-----------------------------------------------------


The Lord passed before him and proclaimed,
“The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, 
and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, 
keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin,
but who will by no means clear the guilty, 
visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation.” (Exodus 34:6-7)

Where should I be?

I remembered thinking to myself during a bath on one of the first sentiments I had when I first arrived in Cambodia:

There are still so many people in Cambodia who have either not heard of Christ or come to receive Him as their Lord and saviour. What about the many more in the remotest parts of the world? How would Acts 1:8 be completely fufilled? Where should I be?

Coming to Cambodia was a surrealism from the sophistication in my life, it tore me from the whirlpool of many needless concerns. It stripped me down to what was basic, what was fundamental to life - humanity. Teaching at KBS has given me a sense of purpose n much joy in the LORD, seeing these youths being so eager to learn, so eager to grow in the faith, so eager to tell their fellow countryman of Jesus. I have 10 teaching days left, how I wish I could teach them all about what the Holy Spirit has graciously enabled me to know about Christ throughout the years! But the barrier of language stands imposingly in between me and that..Praise the LORD, He has reminded me that with humans, it is impossible, but with God, all things are possible! He is El Shaddai, God Almighty. I shall penetrate this barrier with prayer.

Its not for me to worry where I should be, what path I should tread, that's not it. My Heavenly Father's will was for me to put my life in His hands (romans 12:1), surely, He is the best resource allocator and He will be the one to allocate them most efficiently. Be compelled by Christ's love, commit yourself to the LORD, be courageous in carrying your cross daily, following hard after Jesus, fight the good fight, take up the full armour of God, hope in the LORD's return, hence purifying yourself, knowing that the light of His countenance will the the infinite and eternal joy in which we will rest, worshipping the Lamb that was slain, for eternity. 

Cambodia

14 May 2012

It is now the rainy season in cambodia and it pours almost the whole day. We heard from the locals that there was a typhoon which hit cambodia just one day before our arrival.

''...LORD, may Your hand protect the books meant for the people here..."

Throughout our journey, we had experienced much of God's grace! Firstly, a box of commentaries meant for the teachers & Bible students went MIA from the luggage conveyor belt when we landed on phnom penh, we prayed with a brother over lunch to give thanks and also for His hand to protect these books that they may be delivered to the people here. Right after our prayer, God answered it, a call came in from the Lost & Found! We went back to the airport to collect it then headed to the bus station to behin our 6 hour bus ride to silhanouk ville. That was when we started to experience the heavy downpours of cambodia, but fortunately, we were able to load the cargo onto the bus and board it without getting wet. There are so much more details to give thanks for, but in a nutshell, God definitely hears prayers and answers them in astounding ways, protecting us, guiding us and blessing us with his precise arrangements. All the events which have occurred so far are like the different notes in a symphony, fluctuating in inconsistent ways yet ''concocting'' a perfect melody.

"...LORD, help us to find the luggage...

A second incident was when we unloaded from the bus, sheng qi laoshi took her hand carry luggage and moved aside to contact reverend han (a korean missionary who has been at that place for 15yrs) to transport us to our living quarters. While I stayed on a bit longer to collect my own luggage and the 2 boxes of books. It happened that sheng qi laoshi forgot to grab her hand luggage in her hurry and I was also too occupied to remember to account for that as well. It was only until today morning that we went to search for her luggage. Miraculously, we found it back at the bus station at the same bus! When I climbed into the cargo area, but there was only one bag, it was also then that my faithless prayer made just moments ago was answered in my face, I saw the initials, S.C Chan! God is indeed good.

15 May 

I joined the teens at the bible school to plant some trees this morning, they will take 3 mths to bear fruit. I thought I would be able to dig well with my shell scrape digging skills but...no. The teens were awesome at it and did far better than me, it was a humbling experience and definitely a fruitful one as well! We kinda farmed in the intermittent rain and it was really nice getting to know these friendly and sincere people, coming here seems to have made the world seem a better place although its a 'third world country'. Its also fun, trying to communicate with the korean missionaries with what little korean that I've picked up through watching dramas, lol.

Ï remember praying to God that I wished to be a sincere person like my dad. I do trust that by bringing me here, God is answering my prayer! Although Cambodia looks like Singapore in 1960-1980s, it is a beautiful land!

The students jio-ed me to go swimming at the water fall and I answered to their request excitedly, "ok!" Much to my dismay, reverend han waved to show his disapproval for fear that I would catch a cold and fall sick, furthermore we were going to take the car back to the mission house (our residence). So we just followed the students in the car but we did not swim with them. The 'water fall' was built by a chinese in 1997 and was used to irrigate the plot of land beside it which was a cow farm of sorts. The cows here are really skinny! You can see their skeletal outline! Its nice to see how the students are enjoying themselves amidst God's creation, they definitely do have a deeper appreciation of God's creation as compared to us town kids.

16 May

Taught my first lesson this morning, it appears that the junior class would change every one year or so, thus, only one student knew who Jiemin was. Maybe if I come back here in December, I would be able to continue teaching the same batch. We shall see how the LORD leads! I thank the LORD for bringing me to this place because it automatically removes so many of the distractions in my life and I'm directly oriented to focus on working, on what is important. Both sheng qi lao shi and my self have established the fact that we are here primarily for the purpose of work at the start of the trip. 

身教

My first lesson was kind of a flop, I kinda expected self introduction to last for one hour and teach them some words along the way, but it only lasted for 15 minutes. So I changed my plan, did a big group sit on the floor sharing to understand a bit more about their lives, after which I told them that I would be learning from them today and had them bring me on a guided tour around Kompongsan Bible School (KBS). I took the opportunity to converse with individual students and also teach them new words along the way.

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth."

When we were back, I taught them on the articles (a, an, the) and then moved on to revision by doing a word search exercise  for the words which I taught them in the morning. I kinda expected it to be fun, that they would break out into chattering to do the exercise, but, no, they were dead serious and they did the exercise with pin drop silence in the classroom. Their diligence put me to shame and really fuelled me to prepare for a better lesson tomorrow. Throughout the whole lesson I was kinda awkward and clueless due to my inexperience but I thank God for putting ideas in the head and I concluded the lesson by summing up all the words which we have learnt on plants, animals and humans that they are creation, God's creation. I ended with the verse from Genesis 1:1 that all are God's creation. I really wanna talk to them more about God but the language barrier prevents me from doing so at the moment. I strategized to penetrate that barrier with prayer.

In the upcoming days, I will be trying to drop verses here and there to teach them God's Word and also teach them in a manner not just to improve their command of English, but to also train their minds, build their intelligence and also learn to read and understand well to prepare them for exegesis of God's Word. As much as there is a mission field right here, there is also a mission field in my heart, for God to work, to cause me to yield to His Will.

I realised that there was a tomb stone of sorts within the KBS compound, with the name Rev. Lee. I asked sheng qi laoshi about it and she told me that he was a teacher in cambodia and met with some opposition and persecution. He managed to escape a few attempts at murdering him but went missing for a long period of time until his corpse was found a long time later. Indeed, as sheng qi laoshi shared, persecution was never so close us and it is a reminder of how many people out here, out there, suffering for the LORD for the accomplishments of His purposes. "Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit." John 15:2

I looked at the reflection of my eyes and  told myself, 'I need some rest.'
I looked into my bag and told myself, 'where there's a need for battle, there's a need for sacrifice'.
I looked into my heart and told myself, 'start fighting for what's worth it, start fighting for the right reasons.'

离开树的叶 属于地上的世界凋谢

断了的弦 再怎么连
我的感觉你已听不见
你的转变像断掉的弦
再怎么接 音都不对

They say love can change a man. It does, in a very profound way.

reminded

"Being busy is good, but being too busy is not."

"Actually, both are good."

Suddenly, a wave of joy swept over my heart, being encouraged that the LORD is sovereign.

Words of wisdom

He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.

(Proverbs 14:29)

A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

(Proverbs 15:2)

For the churning of milk produces butter, And pressing the nose brings forth blood; So the churning of anger produces strife.

(Proverbs 30:32)

An angry man stirs up strife, And a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression.

(Proverbs 29:22)

A fool’s lips bring strife, And his mouth calls for blows.

(Proverbs 18:6)

The beginning of strife is like letting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.

(Proverbs 17:14)

Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, But any fool will quarrel.

(Proverbs 20:3)

Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it Than a house full of feasting with strife.

(Proverbs 17:2)

Just stay away from me

people day

Had my cup of coffee, ready to start my day.
This week is recess but I'll be facing two titans the next. So I've got not much time really, but today is people day nevertheless. Perhaps I should sacrifice some sleep tonight.

mere words

"..no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison." 
(James 3:8) 


Funny how what is seemingly the least of the tangible could actually cause the deepest wound of the intangible soul. Funny how its those who are closest to you who can cause that wound. Funny how its them who know how to and want to do so. Funny how...that's also me.

still using scolding as a means to vent anger. childish

and then you walk away

Tonight's BS was breath taking, my pen just stopped in its tracks. Every teaching simply sank straight into my heart and penetrated every barrier between. 


Then Balaam arose and departed and returned to his place (meaning vocation), and Balak also went his way. (Numbers 24:25)


I saw what pastor sy saw, I saw a great and heinous evil, one which seemed impossible ... it was in me as well. I thought to myself, hey, that's me. Time seemed to stop as I saw how Balaam simply just walked away. What nonchalance, what desperate wickedness, within me. 


Earlier on in the day, I acknowledge the LORD's holiness and I prayed for grace, knowing also that the LORD will discipline. I was greatly humbled in the manner which God spoke to me today. A lesson that I will never forget, of God's grace and His omnipotence. Praise the LORD, my saviour and redeemer. Guide me on the path of sanctification, purge me from sin, let me be content and learn to rejoice in You, be satisfied in You, to fear You, to love You, to glorify You.


'Everything that has happened to you is a blessing.' 
That was it, the issue I was facing was contentment.  

We know nothing of Christ's love

And He appointed the twelve: Simon (to whom He gave the name Peter), and James, the son of Zebedee, and John the brother of James (to them He gave the name Boanerges, which means, “Sons of Thunder”); and Andrew, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus, and Simon the Zealot; and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed Him. (Mark 3:16-19)


From Mark 1-3, I made some observations which startled me. Firstly, Christ's first advent was totally an initiative of the sovereign God. This is also evident in the calling of His disciples. I noticed how the author made special mention of those whom He called. They were named and for some, their brief genealogy was mentioned, even their character! Here lies a very strong contrast to how others were being mentioned, those being healed or freed from evil spirits. 


In the passage above, it once again showed me that God's love for us is truly above all and incomprehensible. Christ's love for man is of the highest order. According to my limited human knowledge, Christ's love is the pinnacle of what we comprehend of love itself.


1) He loved us to the extent that He was willing to die for us.
One way of determining the extent of your love for someone else is the degree to which you are willing to sacrifice yourself for the benefit of the other party. Christ emptied Himself for us, as written in the book of philipians. He loved and died for the unworthy.


2) He loved us despite His foreknowledge, He loved despite even betrayal
I know this is grammatically erroneous but yea. In the passage of scripture above and in fact in mark's previous records, mark penned the fact that Christ knew the hearts of all men. But the record on Judas Iscariot invoked a flurry of emotions within me. Shock, anger, joy, thanksgiving altogether. But it does not really matter how I feel about this, its not the point. God has been extremely gracious to choose each and every christian, despite knowing the state of us today, what we have become, how we will become. He loves us despite. 


"Knowledge makes arrogant, but love edifies. If anyone supposes that he knows anything, he has not yet known as he ought to know; but if anyone loves God, he is known by Him."




LORD, teach me to hear your Word, fear you and love you.

God designed it this way

"  Many a man rues the differences between himself and his wife, especially as they are magnified by sin.Why does she like to shop for hours when it only takes a few minutes to buy what she needs? Why does she always want to talk about our relationship? Why doesn't she like my solutions, preferring instead to dwell on the problems? Why is it so hard to communicate and why is it sometimes difficult to get along?

  Even apart from considerations of sin, the answer to all these questions is "God designed it this way." How helpful is it to know why and how God made the woman for man! The simple fact is that God did not design marriage to be like a group of guys hanging out. All men is some pizza and a decent game to play or watch, and we can be pals. But throw in a woman and everything becomes so much harder. (It works the other way, too, although feminine society seems much more complicated.) Why, oh why? Because God intended it this way. God wants us as men to learn to give, serve, and love similar to the way He gives, serves and loves. we were made to bear His image, after all, and the main classroom in which a christian man learns to be like this heavenly Father is in the school of marriage."

-"The Masculine Mandate", Richard D. Phillips

God is not like anything

Majesty unspeakable, my soul desires to behold Thee. I cry to Thee from the dust. 
Yet when I inquire after Thy name it is secret. Thou art hidden in the light which no man can approach unto. What Thou art cannot be thought or uttered, for Thy glory is ineffable.


Still, prophet and psalmist, apostle and saint have encouraged me to believe that I may in some measure know Thee. Therefore, I pray, whatever of Thyself Thou hast been pleased to disclose, help me to search out as treasure more precious than rubies or the merchandise of fine gold: for with Thee shall I live wen the stars of the twilight are no more and the heavens have vanished away and only Thou remainest. Amen.
-A.W Tozer


What a low view I have of God, to lower Him to think that He is like creation.
Indeed, I cannot know Him except through the way which He has ordained, Jesus Christ.
Downplay all your confidence in intellect and effort, but look to Him in faith and love.
LORD, it is truly a joy to behold and delight in You through your Word. 
And in Your divine attributes, in You yourself I find rest. I repent.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have relieved me in my distress;
Be gracious to me and hear my prayer.

(Psalms 4:1)

By the grace of God, He has led me to realise the folly in my heart and enabled me to humble myself and labour in prayer for the kingdom of God once more. The above verse reminded me of God's faithfulness, that what He could accomplish yesterday, He can do today and will be able to do forevermore because He is El Shaddai.

I thank God for letting me be able to pray with Vegas today.. I shared with him about some of my pertinent issues which I had with my mum, shared about my family then we prayed. I was deeply moved in spirit when he offered up prayers of thanksgiving to God for His providence for my family especially in finances. It was indeed a miracle to survive 7 years without a proper income! At that moment, I could only bow my heart and offer my deepest worship and thanksgiving to my Heavenly Father. I thought back on my problems and thought that surely, He will guide and surely I will experience Him and give thanks yet again!

Trust in God.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!

(Philipians 4:4)

What are your problems? How do you view your problems? Why are you downcast? Why have you, in the maelstrom of emotions, placed your troubles above God?

When I got home, I got back to reading the plain text of Mark with all my annotations and meditate on them.

When evening came, after the sun had set, they began bringing to Him all who were ill and those who were demon-possessed. And the whole city had gathered at the door. And He healed many who were ill with various diseases, and cast out many demons; and He was not permitting the demons to speak, because they knew who He was.

(Mark 1:32-33)

What are your problems? Are they self inflicted? Or even worse, are they made up?

Physical incapacitation

These people who were ill had no means of healing themselves, they were desperate for recovery, to hold on to their dear lives. Remember the paralytic who had 4 men lift him and descend him from the roof to where Jesus was? Physical incapacity is something which I will never comprehend as of now (I've only fractured my right wrist, 3mths cast), but surely, it must be constantly depressing, to be able to want but never able to do.

Spiritual incapacitation

These are the ones posessed by demons. Now, this is really far beyond my grasp but Scripture presents one category of humans here, those who are spiritually incapacitated, those who have lost their very souls to the demons. Scary thought. It probed me to question myself, was I incapacitated whenever I sin? Physical or spiritual? Dude, none. You chose to rebel everytime you sinned.

Finally, but most importantly, it is important zoom in on these issues but we must give glory to God who is sovereign above all. It was incapacitance at its peak which brought these people to seek and find, by the providence of God - the way the truth and the life. God has made providence for trials & temptations in our lives to help us see that we are mere man and that we should always turn our eyes to God alone.

In peace I will both lie down and sleep,
For You alone, O LORD, make me to dwell in safety.

(Psalms 4:8)

I'd love to say yes.

Faith, love, hope

This sermon has been repetitively preached during pm for the past few weeks.

I need to ask myself:

Which of my deeds reflect my faith?

To whom and what is my love poured out upon?

For whom and what do I labour?

In which matter do I have perseverance?

In what do I hope?

Thoughts which ignite and burn the heart.

fragile - handle with care

The NS experience has trained me to be mentally tougher, but at a certain cost.

I really do wonder what that is.

Unfair treatment and mental oppression or even abuse were meant for toughening us up to become men from boys. Thinking, making decisions, having the resolve and determination to strive towards our objectives under pressure was part of such a training process.

However, what is it that I have lost during this mental toughening? Have I just lost sensitivity or is it humanity itself? Is it selflessness which I have developed or selfishness?

Sometimes, it seems to me that I hurt others all too easily by what I do and even more through what I do not do. It seems though, however, that those who have gone through a harsher NS are more resilient in this aspect.

Are people unforgiving or oversensitive?

Or is it that I am insensitive and simply inhumane in my emotions in certain ways?

Whatever the case is, how I have hurt others, how others can misinterpret me -here is self counsel for myself:

may the love of Christ ever be my example to strive toward.

Yes, I shall joyfully sing of Your lovingkindness in the morning

But as for me, I shall sing of Your strength;
Yes, I shall joyfully sing of Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For You have been my stronghold
And a refuge in the day of my distress.
O my strength, I will sing praises to You;
For God is my stronghold, the God who shows me lovingkindness.

Psalms 59:16-17

This has been a delayed post I guess. I wish to recount God's blessings upon me this past year, however my memory is limited and I must state here that God's grace infinitely exceeds what can be recounted here!

ORD

By God's grace, He has safely led me through 2 years of NS. I really thank God for this experience for one particular lesson - learning to fight. It was the first time in my life which I was exposed to combat training. It was totally another level compared to physical training. While the targets engaged were not real, I do believe that the training is purposeful and it was also training me mentally for the time when it really calls for the need to fight. To fight for what I stand for and those whom I love. NS has taught me to be tougher in my mental state. While this was good, there was also a hidden pitfall in this - to rely on my own strength. There were times when I thought about the possibility of war. We cannot deny the possibility entirely however remote it may seem because God is in control of all and we have seen time and time again how events beyond the norm can happen in 2011: Shelling of South Korea, Uprising in Libya and other Arab Nations, fall of economies etc.

It was at some point in time in NS that I realised, what I stand for, what I train for is of no practical use to change the eternal decree of God. That includes protecting my loved ones. I came to realise that while while I had the responsibility to protect, I had absolutely practically zero ability to do so. This is beyond human. It was in NS then that I encountered situations which I was unable to change that I learned the lesson of persisting in prayer. I thank God that He has taught me this lesson. My fighting spirit in crisis was all channeled into prayer. I started praying much much more.

I also thank God for giving me the opportunity to lead men. While NS showed me the darkest sides of humanity, I also learned to stand for God in such circumstances. I learned humility in a leadership position, I learned how to build trust and gain respect. By God's grace, I have grown and emerged a stronger man.

Mum's fall

It was somewhere in april or may when my mum had a fall at home. I just came back from work (at advent law corporation then) and was bathing, it was then that my I heard a loud scream and thud. I quickly dried myself up and exited the bathroom and to my horror my mum laid there on the ground face up with a spit bowl of rice on the floor. We could not move her because she had injured the back of her neck and so we called for the ambulance. I really thank God that He has been gracious to let me and my sis be at home at that point in time. I could not have imagined what would be the outcome if we were not. I really really thank God that I was able to be there.

God also provided us with a maid after this incident to help out with the chores. After mum's stay in the hospital, she actually gained some weight, to our delight! It was also in hospital and the community hospital that my mum witnessed for the LORD fervently. She was not good in inviting her friends over the phone to come for gospel meetings but I always remember this phrase she said, "it must be that I have not prayed enough." A statement which reflects humbling truth from one who absolutely depends on the LORD. Thus, she takes every opportunity she gets when she was out there to speak to others of the gospel and Jesus Christ and even led one lady to Christ :) Praise the LORD!

Entering university

Education has always been a headache for me. I do not know what to study, do not enjoy studying. My greatest achievement in studies came in attaining 7 As for O levels. I remember how I was driven by fear of my poor results of L1R5 scores of 30 and 20 in my sch exams and prelims respectively. Now I look at the trophy on my shelf, I feel like it is a sign of reproach rather than my glory. God sees the heart and not my outward works. If I should get a chance to share about studies with younger ones in my house, I will smash the trophy right in front of their eyes. I really hope that my sis or other younger brethren will not follow in my footsteps, studying for the fear of poor results, which is simply in fact love for self. I also studied for good results so that I could enter JC then uni, I believed that results were a guarantee to a better future, how wrong I was! It was unbelief at its peak!

Entering NTU with my A level results was purely God's grace to say the least. After my O levels, before attempting A levels, I remember my prayer to God.

"God, do not let my get good results if it should cause me to become proud."

I started to genuinely struggle with my motivations for studying. I realised a great evil that in my heart even what motivates me to change for the better...could be evil itself! What a great contradiction!

My heart is indeed deceitful and wicked above all things.

Having my motivations changed, having made the goal to study for God's glory. I found myself becoming more laid back. I lose the drive which I formerly had. This still is a struggle which I face. I believe it is due to the fact that I give in to my flesh rather than disciplining it. Sem 1 was really crappy and I really need to buck up big time from sem 2 onwards. God tested my faith big time before my final examinations by giving me a fever 4 days before my exams. That period of time was what I called the rate determining step (rds) in a chemical reaction, it was crucial. I think I failed that test of faith because I had already given up mentally although I still did revision when I got better. It was tough for me not to have a grumbling Spirit but I thank God that He has in His providence allowed me to go through a Bible study lesson on the book of numbers (Israel at the waters of Meribah) to learn not to complain against God because it is putting ourselves above the sovereignty of God. At the very least, God showed me the state of my spiritual life and my faith. There is much repentance to be done!

Thank God for His guidance especially through the start of uni despite not going for camps, he provided me with a comfy group of guy friends to study and hang out with :)

Grandpa's op

My grandpa also had a fall at home earlier this year and went for an op to insert a steel plate to his hip bone. It was hard on his aged and feeble body..My family visited him and prayed for him on the day he went for his op. I also remember vividly how I visited him on the night after his op, my aunts had already left the hospital because grandpa was resting and under the effects of morphine. I remember how he awoke from the effects of morphine, only to experience immense and searing pain. I could tell from his eyes. He was tortured. It was the 2nd most torturous experience in my life, only second to see my dad pass on before my eyes. Yet both experiences were close to my heart and brought about thanksgiving for I had experienced the LORD's mercy and lovingkindness in such a real manner, through prayer. Again, desperate pleas for deliverance of grandpa were uttered. It was getting late, it was a sat night and I was also starting to feel very cold. Somehow, once again prayer became a fighting against my own will. I thank the LORD that He gave me submission in my heart to give up a strong sense of possesion of grandpa and entrusted him wholly to the hands of God. Grandpa survived. I do believe that God has a purpose for sustaining him and I pray that family members will continue to see the hand of God working amidst us and ultimately bow the knee to Christ and place their faith in Him alone.

Youth Ministry

Ministry is definitely an area which has seen the hand of God at work, even in guiding each and every comm member to serve Him more. Here is 2011's ministry report:

Youth Fellowship is a ministry devoted to shepherding the youths toward sincere faith and deeper walk with the Lord. We thank God for His unfailing providence and guidance throughout 2011 where we were able to conduct weekly meeting for the youths to fellowship with God and one another. The weekly Saturday meetings which begin at 3.30 pm usually consist of bible studies as well as occasional outdoor activities and fellowship lunch. In 2011, we have invited several teachers to conduct bible studies on 1 Peter, as well as Matthew 6:9-15 and discussed a range of topics including the greatness of salvation, submission to human authorities, submission in the family, youth-parents relationship, perseverance in trials and sufferings, the role of elders in shepherding the church, as well as the attitudes of prayer. In addition, Pastor Soon Yong delivered three theological sessions on the doctrine of election and showed the youth the enormity of God’s grace and His Sovereignty over the salvation of man. Brother Wah Tuck who has been involved in the Philippine mission, kindly shared with the youth his experience in the mission work and what the Lord has done in the churches planted in Philippines. The youth also watched a video which portrayed the life of the great missionary to India, William Carey. Through our brother’s sharing and the reflection on the biography of William Carey, we hope that the youth would be motivated to take part in the mission work in Philippines or other overseas regions through prayers and other means.

The meetings and activities of the Youth Fellowship are all planned and organised by a committee consisting of 2 teachers and 7 youth group leaders. Besides the bible studies conducted by teachers, the youth group leaders were also given the opportunities to lead bible studies and discussion through four gatherings in homes. In addition to the fellowship meetings organized by the Chinese session, a number of the youth were also exposed to other bible study group, such as the NUS bible study group led by Pastor Soon Yong, and participated in various church events such as the Teen-Youth Camp in June, Women & Men Conference in September. The constant exposure to the word and bible study in variety of gatherings has helped the youth to grow deeper in their walk with God. We rejoice to see more and more youth serving in church ministries or events and even taking up varying level of responsibilities. The Lord has put a keen spirit in these young men and women to be His instruments to encourage and disciple their younger brethren to follow Christ. It is our prayer that the Lord would guide us with spiritual wisdom and power to be intentional in discipling the youth to live a true faith and deeper walk with Christ.

As a great majority of the youth followed their parents to church since young, many of them struggled with doubts and assurance about their salvation. In December, 24 youth were challenged to examine their faith during the biannual family camp. We ended 2011 with a 2 days 1 night Youth Retreat for about 40 youth at Pasir Ris Holiday Camp. Besides providing a relaxed atmosphere for the youth to develop friendship especially with the newly promoted youth, Pastor Soon Yong was invited to share his own experience growing up as a church kids and his pastoral advice to them. We pray that the seeds of word that have been implanted in the young souls will lead them to eternal joy in the presence of our Saviour and Lord.

Indeed, we have taste and see that the LORD is good, His lovingkindness is everlasting!

May the Lord be magnified and glorified in our thanksgiving of all the good works that He done in our lives!

Praise the LORD, that although the tempter lures me through trials and temptations, the LORD is my stronghold and by His grace, I will always look toward Him in faith for Him to show me lovingkindness which endures forever.

The whirlpool

Am I being a coward? Am I being foolish and childish to think such a decision can protect?

At what expense?

LORD, I do not have any answers to all these.

But let this post remind me that my first and continual response to pray is right in the eyes of the LORD.