Hope that cannot be extinguished

After my morning run, I came home to have my mini breakfast, a packet of mango isojoy dessert. Halfway through, my neighbour came by and called for my mum.
She told her, "My mum has gone home."
This piece of news was something that we were expecting for the last week. This sister (my neighbour) is probably known by many in FCF. "
She continued, "It was about 2a.m. in the morning, she passed on peacefully. We were singing hymns with her and we were at the hymn 'Safe in the arms of Jesus', she was severely ill for the past week such that she could not open her eyes for the past few days. But at that point in time, she managed to open her eyes, look at us before leaving."
This sister exuberated the peace and joy of God even though her voice broke at one point in time during the conversation. What a strong testimony, what a strong encouragement, what a witness to all that Christ has triumphed over death, where we may proclaim, "where is your sting, o death?" There will be sorrow but no fear, there will tears but they shall be wiped dry, there will be a sense of loss but never a loss of hope.

5 years ago, there was a similar situation. Dad was on morphine, slipped into a coma, couldn't eat or drink. Couldn't even look me in the eye. All I could do was hold his hand, pray and read the Bible to him. Dont misunderstand me, that is a great blessing, those were moments of deepest fellowship I had with my dad and I thank God for them, prayer together with scripture were also the most powerful tools through which the holy Spirit used to speak and work in both my dad and myself. Probably, an hour or so before he left, I was praying with him after reading the first part of John 14. He looked me in the eye, he teared, his sunken face, his mortal body which has gone through much toil and fatigue, it was all coming to an end. My dad's prayer throughout his illness was not for healing but that God's will be done and that if it is His will for him to go, it will be an amiable parting. Its amazing to see how God takes care of his people, although they pass on at early hours, times when people are usually asleep, He usually give loved ones a sense of when they are leaving and we get to see and talk to them one last time before we say our last goodbyes. Goodbyes that are but temporal but we shall gather in heaven in the presence on God one day :) God is gracious, God is merciful, God is gracious from ages past, today and forever more. Praise be to God!

going home

My mind seemed to be in quite a still state after work today :)
Today was pretty hectic, was at 3 different camps accomplishing different tasks, it was a rush! At least I enjoyed lunch though, had chicken, carrots and long beans, yum. As usual, I will skip work cause its best not to post anything related to it at all.

I was on my way home today, had all the right elements to a perfect journey back home, was feeling very relaxed and felt really cheerful :) The past few days was all hustle and bustle even when I reached home I couldn't really relax or catch my breath, phone is always busy ><
I really thank God that I had a really good night's rest last night! Anyway, yea I was walking home then I decided to buy some dessert back home, tau suan for sis and black sesame for myself, ahh shiok when accompanied with spaghetti for dinner :) While queuing up to get my dessert, I suddenly thought, how nice it'd be if I could settle down in life right now, enjoy some family warmth, be with my loved ones. It's quite a worry free thought.. But ya know, such moments of bliss are usually short lived. We slog our entire day and are left with just those few hours of rest. We toil our entire lives just for the fairytale endings which we hope for, we fight with every ounce of our energy for what we belive is worth fighting for..but it may be those very things which we hope in that bring us the greatest disappointment.

The above are just some thoughts which suddenly came to mind. Anyway I should really remember that my stay here is temporal & I should not work and strive for that which is temporal and rest my hope in that, but rather on things of eternity. I know this, but have not acknowledged it with my heart..

how how how..

Its either that you totally know nuts about body language or you simply refuse to understand anything about it. Time? You've got more than enough time.

Some old problems never seem to go away, perhaps its because I have been keeping silent. Yea, sure that ensures that the problem does not escalate but at the end of the day, it still remains. In other words? I'm running away from facing it. Hah, I really do not realise that until now. But, I really do not know how to solve it. This hurdle, this mountain is placed in my life by God. To run away from it is really in fact, me trying to be a Jonah. Just experienced how sin can blind and cripple my ability to love as well..

How?

Alone

Yawn, a mind with many cares prevents one from sleeping no matter how tired he is! Been very busy recently with army and church plus family matters filling in the gaps.. The past week was spent ban jia-ing (shifting house, in this case, base). It was definitely a great learning experience for me to come up with the preparation work, liasing, planning, executing of stuff. Its been very hectic though, very draining! (For my handphone as well, from full batt to flat before end of the day on fri! :O)

Many a times when im tired, i just wanna be alone. When I do that, im unconciously isolating myself from everyone else, including God, especially God. I isolate my thoughts, my plans, the inclinations of my heart from His.. Anyway this is just an application of what I've been reminded of in church today that when Christ was about to be crucified, he suffered alone, with none of his disciples being willing or able to share his burden. I hope I will be able to remember Christ's love for us through the pain that He was willing to bear for us and love Him more, to share in His thoughts, plans, His will.

imma ping pong ball

I am beginning to really feel like a ping pong ball.

But like what I told my mum, sis and some others, problems always exist and will never stop emerging, what matters is how I go about facing, solving and overcoming it.

I've had a nice day

What a nice day! Except for the fact that it started out bad, but as chai says, "when the day starts out bad, smile, cause it's only gonna get better!"

It started out bad because of IPPT. Due to the rain, we had the static stations indoor and for the first time I jumped a distance of >225cm in like at least half a year! (I hit 230cm :O), everything else went great, until the 2.4km run.
I started off well with a good speed, maintaining the 3rd/4th position. So there was this loop where I was supposed to run around 3x before heading off to the ending point for the run. At 9mins30s when I finished the loop (my 3rd which I thought was my 2nd only!) I continued to make another loop, by this time I suddenly lost sight of the 3 dudes in front of me and I began to lap the last few runners, felt weird but I continued anyway. The few dudes taking note of the number tags of those running by also did not sound out anything to me, except for the safety officer saying jiayou, was really nice of him and I thanked him for that :) When I was finishing my last loop, I saw that many were heading towards the end point which should NOT be the case, that was when I knew I was in trouble...sprinted to the end point and clocked a timing of 13mins10s and I knew what had happened, I ran an extra round D: D: D: which meant I ran ~3.2km. ahhhhhhhh it was so lame and dumb of me...Anyway I'll chiong for my next IPPT in August -.-

After IPPT, I went home to enjoy my pm off. Its a good thing that ayer rajah camp's really near my house :) xmls jio-ed my granpa and myself to eat at holland v, I secretly thought that we were going to crystal jade (the xlb heaven) and when we cabbed there, it was indeed the intended location! haha but after some consideration, we decided to head to the branch which sells dim sum instead as it suits the appetite of the elderly more. The place really felt like Guangzhou to me cause they could all converse in cantonese and their service standards were excellent. There was this nice lady sitting beside our table who started talking to us about food then when she saw us praying also mentioned that she was from a presbyterian church. She even donated 2/3 of her plate of roasted pork (which is IMBA btw) to us because she did not want to waste the leftovers, apparently she is some kind of tai tai of the sorts.

xmls ordered a spread! There was chicken feet (which she told me was phoenix claws in mandarin & confused me utterly), siew mai, prawn dumplings, char siew buns, pork porridge and IMBA noodles! She had a good chat with my grandpa and I found out a lot more as well, she really has a way of engaging the elderly and is really caring. I thank God for such a caring teacher like her who often showers my family with care and love! It is through people like that that Christ's love is demonstrated in everyday life and reminds me to also love my brothers and sisters & family in the same way because we are in Christ :)

After the really nice meal, we sent grandpa home. I realised that when age really catches up with a person, a failing memory and ability to focus or even carry on with a conversation is quite a sad fact of life. Because xmls tried really hard but it was age, at the end of the day which obstructed us from having further and deeper fellowship in spirit.. Was glad that my grandpa had a good time though, he was all smiles :D

On our way to church to discuss the plans for the book store, xmls told me something which was really thought provoking. She mentioned that whhenever she saw the flowers, especially those which grew out of the cracks of walls or drains where there is no soil, she learns not to worry. Cause she was asking abt my family and whether I'm stressed as the eldest son, I said, more or less a bit.. but whatever God places in my life, it is my lesson to learn, depend on Him and overcome. It was indeed a beautiful reminder to see God's power in His creation, in nature and more so when I recall to mind His faithfulness, abundant grace and unfailing lovingkindness. Praise be to God!

loserific fail!

Fail 1: I headed to mindef to make some payment, only to realise I required a report, which I did not have with me. Headed back to sel camp...
Fail 2: Short of cash, went to the ATM, "Sorry, this ATM is temporarily out of service." (haha this was on the news as well, I thought it was a coincidence when I heard it on radio!)
Fail 3: I rushed for the train and thought I was just in time, then some dude exited so I had to halt for a moment and in that moment the train door closed WEAH!
Fail 4: Went for a run after reaching home.. after running for some time I realised I was headed in the wrong direction towards c'wealth. keblakang pu-seng!
Fail 5: After getting my directions right, I realised my choice of running route was really crappy. I was training for speed and was running beside the road, so the vehicle exhaust overwhelmed me pretty quickly esp when I was breathing heavily after the first 5-6 mins of sprinting..
Fail 6: Intended to train for SBJ at one of the fitness corners near one of the HDB clusters at tiong. But when I reached, there were 2 rows of kids sitting beside the SBJ mat. UH, it'd be so embarassing to train in front of them.. with head hung low, I turned back.. D:
Fail 7: Intended to run the park connector which was approximately 2km long to test my speed. Realised there were some road works & construction. emo.

Just for laughs