Faith

26th dec was witnessing day, although I did not manage to invite my friends, I went for the tracting session which started at 9am.

I really need to blog about some thanksgiving items to give thanks to God.

Firstly, God does indeed hear and answer prayers made in faith. The fact that God even hears prayers from an unworthy worm like me is GREAT enough, it is immense grace! Praise the LORD. God answered two of my prayers today:

1) He caused the misty skies (when I woke up at 7.45am) to clear and gave us great weather for doing tracting.

2) He answered my prayers before tracting and during tracting to provide me with someone whom I could share with about Christ.

God is faithful.

We can claim on His promises for truly and surely:

" “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

I would like to go more in depth on the second answered prayer. I was teamed up with shengwei and yirong for tracting today and I told them to keep praying for every single household whether or not we get to interact with the house owner. Out of the 6 floors we were allocated to, we finished 4 floors without having any opportunity to engage in a proper conversation and lead into the gospel. It was at the 5th floor that we were close to clearing it that I felt the utter incompetence and disappointment within me that I was unable to share of my Almighty God, of the name printed in bold and the biggest text on the front of every tract I gave out - Jesus Christ. Indeed, Christ's Name was the most precious to me and I felt a great loss being unable to proclaim Him...I continued to pray in my heart and finally I met S, he had heard of the gospel before and thank God that he was ready and thus I shared with Him about Christ and the whole of the gospel. By God's grace, we sustained a close to half an hour conversation which was really fufilling for me, to speak of Christ and recount His salvation accomplished for us, my heart was warmed and touched by the Holy Spirit. It was filled with thanksgiving and praise for God's wisdom in all His works and also especially for His grace and love showed toward Man. To me, that was the greatest satisfaction of our whole conversation.

S was not ready to receive Christ, he probably had some hidden reason or excuse which he was not comfortable with sharing with me. He has a high regard for christianity as a liberal though. I thank God for this chance to be able to share with Him and hope that He will be able to come to believe in Christ someday in God's timing!

It was only after i returned to church to pray that I realised what God was trying to teach me.

Every year's witnessing day was similar whenever I went out to do tracting, a prospect will always 'appear' close to the end. It was then that I realised that it was a test of faith, of whether I trusted that God is Almighty and if I would continue to persevere in prayer, knowing that there was none other whom I could rely on.

I also learnt that, it was God's wisdom is providing us a prospect late so that I would have received enough rejections to be utterly hopeless of myself and feel desperate for the LORD. Indeed, blessed are the poor in spirit and blessed are the meek. It is in such circumstances that the Holy Spirit's divine work began in me to turn my desperate heart to fully depend on Him and go forth to proclaim Christ in faith. It was sweet to enjoy the fellowship of the Holy Spirit in this manner, to co labour and slave for Christ. What an honour it is to serve my Saviour!

Closed doors does not mean restrict the work of God, nor is the arm of the LORD is too short to reach beyond those closed doors, but the open doors.. they testify of God's special preparation and arrangement in His sovereign will for His glory.

What irreplaceable joy and solace I find in the presence of my LORD.

"And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations,

baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” "

Thank God

"You should spend your time doing what glorifies God most. Remember that since we all have limited time, it's most important that we use our time for what matters more."

Thank God for speaking to me through this sister, she's all grown up and matured :)

It is a timely and doctrinally sound reminder of my stewardship to God.

As I read through the first few chapters of Genesis today, I re-visited the fallibility of Man which was also evident in my own life. Praise be to God for His promise:

I will put enmity between you and the woman,
and between your offspring and her offspring;
he shall bruise your head,
and you shall bruise his heel."

God displayed His goodness and power through His creation but when it came to His dealings with Man, it truly is revelation of His goodness on another level - that of intimacy and of love. There is still mercy as He pronounced judgement on Man. I am sure this mercy is greater than what I have come to understand up till now. The curses pronounced in chapter 3 only directly fell on the serpent itself, but seems to have been deflected from Man, from both Adam and Eve. I realised that God's pronounced judgement on Man was a limitation of God's blessings, how rich is the grace of our Heavenly Father! I recall to mind, how each man is under the curse of the law for failing under the law as mentioned in James. I recall what pastor taught about all Scriptures pointing to God and to Christ. Then, I recalled the Lamb that was slain, who bore all the curses on the cross. And I remember, that this life is not my own to live. There is no liberty for negative feelings on my part, much less giving up, but that I should pray for a deeper love for my Savior everyday and lead a life of sanctification by the Spirit. Thank God for Christ. Thank God for His Word.

Loyal despite failure

An apostate is one who betrays the faith and has hardened his heart to point where he has totally eliminated any possibility of make the choice to repent and turn back.

A disciple ought to be loyal, despite failure.

I should never, ever consider giving up, though it may hurt like mad, though it may continue to hurt like mad. I must be loyal to Christ. I must keep Christ's love and grace in view. I must not be both unfaithful and disloyal. I must struggle with all my might to actively repent.

Mental Suicide

I had my first test in like 2+ years just yesterday, it was a physics quiz, 5 MCQ, 15% weightage. Prior to it I was pretty stressed up that a mistake would make a BIG difference and I gave myself pressure that I HAD to do well for my first year to boost my GPA.

Right before the test, there was this rumour going around that the test was imba difficult, no use studying textbook or tutorials. (It turned out to be manageable.) I sort of gave up in my mind already, at least half given up.

When I was doing the quiz questions, anxiety seized me, I started getting brain blocks, could not focus, jumped from question to question and unable to analyse clearly. It was a nightmare.

You may think that I am a hard working student and have prepared well and much for this test. You are right. In fact, I did more than what was required.

After the test, I figured that I had only got 2 out of 5 questions correct. Less than 10 mins after the end of the paper, I got all the answers figured out in my mind. What does it say? I had it in me. Dear reader, you may think now, poor guy, he did his best but just did not adapt well to the pressure. Well, the purpose of my blog is not really to help me remember daily happenings but what matters much to my heart and to my soul. What really happened, in my heart, in God's eyes were these:

1) Self Love

The pressure that drove me to study and prepare, I realise was driven by self love. It was driven by the fear or bad grades. It was far far away my prayer for God's glory to consume all of my heart's desire. I found that out only after I knew I did badly for my test. The prayer of thanksgiving I uttered to God was almost forced and hypocritical because deep down in my heart, I screamed "I could have done it!" I was not truly concerned with glorifying Christ in my heart.

2) Worry & Not entrusting myself to God & Not trusting God

Just the night before, I had counselled my own heart and convinced myself to go for Bible study, for surely, the knowledge of God and His Word is of the highest importance in my life - coupled with my relationship with Christ. I was also convicted that even though I had to rush like mad and even cab if needed, I would make those sacrifices to go for BS because I experienced for myself and knew the power of the Word of God which works in me and changes my inner man in profound ways. I needed God's Word. Straight after BS, I was once again worrying. Thinking of the kingdom of self. A true sheep by nature, dull and slow to understanding am I. Rebellious and stiff necked by self-resurrected nature, sigh. I really need God's grace to test and try my thoughts and to refine them that in my heart, there will be a mature and deep love for Christ.

After the test, I just gamed the day away, gaining zero satisfaction, just following my heart and my eyes. I had committed mental suicide and taken the venomous pill of sin. I was just frustrated, lost, angry, given up.

Thank God for being gracious to show me my heart and how small my faith really is through such a test, a test of the heart.

Dear reader, you may have a good impression of me but in this blog, be prepared to face the real me. If you are a fellow brother and sister in Christ, I hope you will walk with me in prayer and counsel, for our LORD Jesus Christ. God bless.

2 lessons

In response to my prayer to God to give me in a heart to glorify Him in sch and in all that I do, there were 2 lessons which I learnt today.

Self-centred

When I went for my 'meet the mentor' session today, only 5 of the 7-8 mentees turned up, of which all are chinese scholars. My mentor was a professor who was also originally from China. It was quite intimidating really, speaking in mandarin to them really made me feel like I was a malay or something. My prof even asked if I could speak in mandarin lol. My mentor felt really at home conversing with the rest of the mentees, I could feel it man. He is a nice guy really, relating to me in english as well, talking about how I need to catch up after NS and that I will need to catch up with academics. After the session, I was still kinda zzz-ish, wishing that I had a local prof, although this mentor of mine is a really nice guy. Then, this thought just passed my mind -

"Must every single thing happen for your benefit? What if this was for their benefit?"

Utter dependence

When I was back, mum shared with me that she went to hospital to share the gospel with a relative who discovered he was suffering from liver cancer. She shared, "I shared the gospel with him with the little booklet, managed to convey the whole gospel to him. After that, he said that he was tired and asked for me to continue another time. -pause- I think we did not pray enough."

What my mum said seemed really simple but reflected sound theology, that whatever we do, we still do stand in need of all things, in utter dependence of our LORD who provides and gives all that we "have" and are stewards of. Prayer was not part of the battle, it is the battle. It is only when we pray that we have a genuine love for lost souls. It is only when we pray that we acknowledge that only the LORD can change the heart and it is the LORD who saves. It is only when we pray that we declare our dependence on God and acknowledge ourselves as channels, as vessels in our Master's hands.

Thank you LORD for these precious lessons.

Jehovah Jireh

My first day of school on Monday

Waking up in time to travel to sch for an 8.30am lesson was z_z -ingly difficult. Anyways, I managed to get up and head for school. When I was on the train, I was reading through 1 John on my phone and after that I prayed and entrusted God with my worries and uncertainties of what lies ahead of me in sch life. The main uncertainty was the issue of making friends because I did not know anyone in my course since I did not go for the orientation camps. When I went to sch last friday, it was a totally alien environment and I only made friends with 1 dude from Mech engine and another from EEE. When my prayer ended, I was at jurong east station. I turned to my right and ... hey! There was my bmt friend junye! He is in the same course as me! :D (MSE) So we chatted about sch and stuff. Wa, thank God for his company. When we reached sch we had to split up cause I needed to go to the lib to buy my notes while he had to meet his other friends.

I lost my way in the library and could not identify the location of the print shop. Again, God sent another helper to me at that moment! I saw jing ni, my MSE yr 3 senior who was also my classmate in JJC! So she helped me and taught me about how things run in the print shop. Still, there was one problem remaining, The queue was long, I had only ~45mins to get my notes. I then ran into a friend, ivan which I knew from JJC as we were OGLs back then, wa awesome. With him was zhi kai, who was in MSE! First friend made just like that! When I went to lectures, I also got to know more of zhi kai's friends who were also in MSE and somehow they were fellow specs from 3SIR lol. Jun ye was actually zhi kai's man, what a coincidence.

The last lecture for the day was pretty interesting, on economics of manufacturing an AHSS elective. The lecturer was a businessman who was the GM for a multi million dollar business so it was pretty interesting to hear how things really work. He is pretty insightful and does not merely focus on the strategies but also execution of plans with the heart. I guess he will be a pretty good boss if he does what he preaches! From 1830-1930, I was supposed to have tut right after that lecture but he mentioned halfway that there will be no tuts for this module, WIN. The whole LT cheered!! I was also taken aback and really happy that I could make it for Bible study. Thanksgiving flooded my mind at that moment. I do not remember praying for a good timetable so that I could make it for BS, but when I first got it, I was like.. ok I gotta fly down to pastor's house for BS, I decided that I would cab. This has really humbled me, that I should pray about things, everything, especially these things which are of eternal value. The LORD truly provides. I really treasure BS because we learn many valuable lessons everytime and we encourage one another as a community to live out those truths. This week, we were reminded of Jesus Christ as our mediator and that ought to be a point to note in our prayers. Indeed, as pastor shared, it is so precious to exclaim at the end of our learning, 'What a great God we have!' rather than go back home patting ourselves on the back, satisfied with an increase in knowledge.

My first day was nothing.short.of.amazing.

Today I went for MSE day and it was my 3rd day in sch, and having free lunch for the 3rd time in a row as well LOL. It was pretty cool, got a MSE day shirt too, wow my sch is really pretty rich on funds! Anyway I met some friendly people who were friends of jingni and jen. It is my observation that it always seems that people who are in relationships are more hospitable and self sacrificial.

I heard this from a TV show:

欲望是索取，

爱是付出。

Pretty true! Some food for thought.

Deceit

After I went to school pm Friday, I made a scary realisation of my heart. As I alighted the shuttle bus and walked toward nanyang auditorium, the once familiar sense of unfamiliarity came over me. I felt uneasy at first and then when I reached the entrance of nanyang auditorium, there were crowds and groups gathering. It was then that I felt regret, regret for not signing up for orientation camp. I kept thinking to myself that I could have been in one of those groups, with friends, a circle which can shelter me from alienation.

I thought back on my decision on why I did not want to join orientation camp. Up till the very last day of deadline I was still considering on whether I should have joined camp.. My reasons for skipping camp was because of stories from seniors and knowing the strong SDU links and influence on the camps, orientation camp was gonna be more like a 'dating camp', I did not want to force myself to go through such a camp, put myself in awkward situations and having to reject almost every 'dating' activity or those which are against my christian values. Also, I consider such flippant interactions with the opposite sex to be considered to be flirting or worse, it is against the convictions which I have about attraction, relationship and of love.I feel that SDU makes lab rats out of the freshmen attending such camps.

It struck me at the point in time when I felt regret that my intentions for not attending camp were..superficial and impure. If you had read it, it might even have appeared to be a witness for Christ. My intentions were not to glorify Christ. They were at best a personal preference. Christ was definitely not pre eminent. This experience was really humbling, because even in doing the apparently right thing may not be right and may not have any eternal value at all if we do not have the right heart because God sees and knows the hearts of all men.

^{I cannot trust in my own heart, nor can I even judge it, only God can. Much less judge others' heart and impute intentions to their actions and words.}

The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick;
Who can understand it?
“I, the LORD, search the heart,
I test the mind,
Even to give to each man according to his ways,
According to the results of his deeds.

Jeremiah 17:9-10

I fear for myself

What are the dear things now? Gold, silver, precious stones, bank notes, mines, ships, lands, houses, horses, carriages, furniture, meat, drink, clothes and the like. These are the things that are thought valuable; these are the things that command a ready market. ; these are the things which can never get below a certain price. He that has much of these things is counted a wealthy man. Such is the world!

And what are the cheap things now? The knowledge of God, the free salvation of the Gospel, the favour of Christ, the grace of the Holy Ghost, the privilege of being God's son, the title to eternal life, the right to the tree of life, the reversion of a mansion in heaven, the promises of an incorruptible inheritance, the offer of a crown of glory that never fadeth away. These are the things that no man hardly cares for. They are offered to the sons of men without money and without price: they may be had for nothing, - freely and gratuitously. Whosoever will may take his portion. But, alas, there is no demand for things! They go a begging. They are scarcely looked at. They are offered in vain. Such is the world!

- Practical Religion by J.C Ryle pg 40.

Written more than a century ago, (first published in 1878) these words stand true until today. It is an apt description not merely of a trend but the nature of humanity itself. Such a description.. its a scary truth. The fact that man, who has been showered with the abundance of God's grace and mercy actually shows audacious contempt towards God by treating who He is and what He has done as cheap. I fear for myself. Thank God for these words penned, I have much soul searching and reflection to do.

True Hope In Life

The ancient christians made it a part of their religion to look for His return.

Backward, they looked to the cross and the atonement for sin, and rejoiced in Christ crucified.

Upward, they looked to Christ at the right hand of God, and rejoiced in Christ interceding.

Forward, they looked to the promised return of their Master, and rejoiced in the thought that they would see Him again.

And we ought to do the same.

- Practical Religion by J.C. Ryle pg 18

The above mentioned perception of life truly reflects the life of a wise christian. It is a reminder that looking to Christ is the only source to a strong and sustainable motivation. There are so many obstacles to put one down in the path of sanctification, in this life. Struggles, failures, disappointment, back stabbings, judgement, repeated failures - thats what really gets one down and dissipates whatever hope or trust which remains. A brother once shared a point which I treasured much - that he does not give up, because this life is not his own. How true.

Many a time, if not all the time, we lay down our arms and wave the white flag in the air because in our pride (which is pretty much invisible by then due to the deceit which sin brings) we look at ourselves and not to the throne of grace, at the throne of mercy, at our Master, our LORD Jesus Christ.

The greatest evil of all is myself

Does the omnipresence of God translate into your omniobedience?

All true beauty in the universe is reflected beauty,

only God is inherently beautiful and glorious.

ugly ugly ugly

Just returned from church from the course on an introduction to pastoral ministry. One of the points was that the pastor must take off his own mask and also reach behind his fellow sheep's mask so that true fellowship may take place. We learnt about the marks of a manipulator, effects of manipulation and the vital role which genuineness in Christ plays in ministry. (ok this is just a brief summary of the lessons tonight but is not what I hope to bring out in this post.)

I was pretty upset after watching part of qian xian zui zong (frontline news) which started reporting at 10pm. It was broadcasting ugliness that is raw and in the face. The frontline team actually filmed overnight at one of the collection stands for the salvation army. Throughout the night, 5-6 waves of theft occurred and one of which is organised crime (a white truck came by, the ppl sifted through the donations, placed the 'harvestable' items by the side of the road, the truck moved to park beside the goods, they loaded it on and moved on.) They looted ~100kg of goods in one go. There was a thai dude who got confronted by the reporter, he could converse in english but used the excuse of him not being able to understand the sign which explains that stealing of the goods was punishable by law. I highly doubt that since he was able to converse in clear english, the question then is, did he understand common sense and his own conscience? The cameras rolled on throughout all the thefts.

When interviewed, the rep from the salvation army response to the spate of thefts was, "We are the salvation army, not the police force." Then he went on to spell out the measures to take to tackle this problem. Then frontline began to analyse that approx $20k was lost due to the spate of recent thefts (I won't spell out the calcs here). I was just taken aback by the rep's nonchalence..

3 evils:

1) Wickedness - The cheek of people to steal goods meant to be sent to help those in need.

2) Greed - Despicable frontline team who filmed the whole process but did not alert the police or stop the thefts?

3) Total absence of apathy and sense of responsibility - To think that others put their trust in your organisation as a middleman or agent by which those in need may be helped...and that you guys don't give a hoot and simply don't put your heart into handling resources from the public, that disgusts me.

Reminder to self though, I also learnt tonight that I should look at sinners with compassion and not hate.

Sinners saved by grace also sin, on a different level, often less detectable, more socially tolerable and as a result is possibly a more potent evil should the christian's heart become hardened and numb to sin.

Trials

Trials are given for the testing of one's faith and meant for growth.

When a christian experiences trials, one must understand that our sovereign LORD does not delight in our suffering or loss. Our LORD is wise, our LORD is good and our LORD loves us. He will not allow us to undergo suffering without purpose and treat us like lab rats or puppets to satisfy his desires.

Each christian is undoubtedly a new creation in Christ, however we are still weak in the flesh, especially when we act according to the flesh and not the spirit. We each have our own vulnerabilities, widely categorized, they are: the pride of this life, the lust of the eyes and the lust of the flesh.

When one experiences a trial, one should be most attentive not to the pain experienced but to the purpose and the message which God is trying to bring out through the experience. Pain is necessary for the destruction of sins in our life, usually those which are deeply rooted in our lives, sins which are hidden, sins which we do not or refuse to fight and forsake. Trials are not simply meant for the christian to experience God's grace and give praise to God, leveling up in paying lip service to God. Recall that when the apostles were persecuted for Christ's Name's sake, they rejoiced because it dawned upon them that it was an honour to be counted worthy to suffer for the sake of Christ's name! What a glorious outcome of a trial which truly brought God glory! Recall also, the 10 lepers who were healed, of which only one returned to Christ glorified God with a loud voice, fell at Christ's feet and gave thanks. What a glorious response to God in reciprocation with the whole of his being in worship of God! The outcome of trials then, ought to be to the glory of God.

So, dear christian, if you are reading this, understand this, that the LORD gives trials ultimately for His own glory, to destroy your old self and to mould you to be more Christ-like, that is truly the purpose of trials. If you are not going through the trials with such an attitude, you will be suffering blindly and that would be really pitiful and an utter waste of life. May we all live a fruitful life for Christ.

In summary, these are the points which we have to understand:

1. There is purpose in trials

2. Seek to know the purpose of your trials

3. Correct understanding of God's attributes - of Him who is the giver of trials

4. Strive to glorify God in trials, and for that matter, in all that you do.

Home cooked food :)

Had my first home cooked meal in like... almost 2 months! It was great in a special sense, not that it was exceptionally tasty, it consisted of broccoli, carrot & potato stew, fried corn egg and fried fishballs - but it was simply blissful just to have home cooked food again. Thank God for the proper dinner and I hope the maid will learn to do well and live well with my mum. Home cooked meals are always super nutritious, just that my mum and sis does not seem to fancy meat much, except for fish meat. Had a sumptuous meal at 9pm after exercising, its been a long time since I trained to the extent of feeling faint! watched a bit of channel 8, super lame, came on the comp.

Just heard the report on gaddafi's orders to the mercenaries to rape the civilians again. Read the report on BBC earlier on, shall not discuss the intentions and the ... ugh. sad outcome of things. It will only provoke me to sinful anger. Just listening to the report reminds me of how screwed this world is and how scary sin is. No mood to stay on the comp any longer. Pray.

flooded with work!

Had like ~100 plus files to AR (active rack - placing the files back) today!! Super active morning cause almost all of the perm staff were shifting places to be with their respective groups.. The different teams in the law firm work for different banks, such as UOB, OCBC, SCB, HSBC etc.. I am working for SCB. Made the correct decision to have a Mcvalue breakfast! :)

Beautiful coincidence

Took half day leave today, left after a mad rush at work in the morning. I finished all my work on hand by 11am. Then I was bombed with a load of work at 11.30am just after I finished snacking on kokocrunch lol.. Because the 2 secretaries giving me work were talking to our team's head prior to that (which explains the free part). So I rushed to finish all work before we left for lunch at 1pm. Left with the task to find files undone though :( So I passed it on to gab n cheryl, feel bad about it :/ Thankfully they were more free in the afternoon hah!

Leaving from workplace, I headed to TTSH to meet my eldest aunt, foon yoong to check out the prices of the safety handles/bars for support to be placed in a handicap toilet. Before we parted ways, she gave me 2 chicken apricot sandwiches which I shared with mum later, yum :)

I headed down to yck mrt from novena to see mum and bought her mr bean. I really thank God for His amazing providence for me to meet aunt mei qing at (if im not wrong) Ang mo kio station! I was listening to songs then caught sight of her walking into the train and then.. hi! It was great to see her because the previous few times were hi and bye.. :( felt really bad about it. So we had a really good chat to catch up and she was on the way to visit my mum too!! So we continued to talk about our lives, her ministry in cambodia and her plans.

At the hospital, aunt mei qing also got to share the gospel with the mum of the patient next to my mum. 5 mins into it, I was feeling really tired, so I excused myself to take a short nap at the TV area lol... It was good that she responded positively to the book which we passed her to read. I believe there will be more opportunities to share the gospel with her :) Thank God for His Word which is living, powerful and effective!

Need starbucks coffee tomorrow morning lol.

The Powells

I am here to recap on Daniel Powell's sharing last monday, both on his sharing on missions and also on some stuff I learnt through his small talks after the session.

Last Monday, we had Bible study session at pastor soon yong's house, this time, Daniel (pastor sy's neighbour in the US) was there to share with us on missions. He recounted one of the funniest moments - he saw soon yong go out of the house to throw the thrash in a coat, shorts and boots heh :P funny guys hahaha

Anyway he shared that he went to seminary and took 6 years to complete instead of the usual 4 because of family commitments. Daniel was married to Rachel at the age of 21. GASP THAT'S MY AGE (in 7 months time). He went through seminary while working as well, so he sacrificed sleep and would wake up really early in the morning. I think I should pick up the habit of waking early from these godly man so that I can 'gain' time as well! Daniel went to seminary after his studies due to counsel he received from older christians, including rick holland. One point he raised was that, if a group of godly men gives you advise which all point to a certain direction, then it must be at least something worthy to be considered prayerfully about.

In his talk, he shared about his initial inclination to head over to Brazil to do missions but apparently the LORD closed that door. He was then called to the mission field in Lebanon as there were requests for help sent out from there. I admire Rachel's submission to his decision despite her initial unease. We skyped with Rachel after that as we heard her share her experience of how the LORD brought her to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ and her conversion through the power of God inherent in His Word. I really really admire both of their submission to the sovereignty of Christ and as their LORD truly.

Lebanon is a pretty complicated place with the conflicts between the sunnis and the shi'ites. It is also a muslim dominated nation. However it is also a land of opportunity! It is the only arab nation to allow the people there to be trained as pastors! I was greatly amazed by the fact that such a door exists!

We also talked about how Daniel jio-ed Rachel, how she stood him up for the first two dates cause she had a severe migraine, poor thing.. How Daniel asked his 'competitors' whether Rachel was a godly woman as he perceived her to be, so as to make sure that he is not blinded by the attraction to her and they confirmed his perception too. I was like.. wow. And yea Rachel was one of the 'long hair sweet faced' girls haha! So Daniel had many 'competitors' back then! Now they already have 5 kids wow. It was a good counsel when he told us to have a biblical view on having children. In the Singaporean context, $ is something which constricts our perception and potentially blinds us from having a biblical view on the issue.

During small talks, we asked how he knew Rachel was the one, how he knew Lebanon was where he should go, basically we were questioning the basis upon which he made his decisions.. He shared that if we maintained a close walk with the LORD then when we pray, we will get what we desire for those would correspond with that of the LORD's. It was such a succinct and natural reply which put me to shame. He was truly living a life as described in psalms 1. A life that is sustained by the Word of God, provided for and bearing fruit in season, growth that was... flowing, natural, unhindered. Many a times, we complicate matters, we put in our own erroneous theology, our corrupted secular mindsets, let our hidden evil desires get in the way of things. What we ought to do as Christians is simply to live by the Word, live by the Spirit. I quote Adam Khoo, "It is simple, but it is not easy."

I heard Adam speak in a seminar by Great Eastern and he was speaking on motivation and tips to play the game in today's economy, on the existing industries, how to get rich, etc.

I thought this statement is also applicable in life's pilgrimage. It is simple because

seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. (2 Peter 1:3)

yet at the same time is is not easy as we face our flesh, enemies within the church (false teachers) and without (Satan and the world). We take heart though, that the battle is not ours, but the LORD's. Thank God! Because if it were not so, the battle would have been arduous, exhausting, doomed to fail and ultimately utterly hopeless. What a pitiful state man would have become if it were so!

We rest in the fact that the LORD has won the victory over sin.

tsunami

The lesson of accountabiilty

It dawned upon me at the end of yesterday that God is in fact very gracious to have my superior find and point out all of my mistakes committed at work be it minor or not.

This teaches me to have the same attitude towards commiting sin as well because
God knows.


Was nice to run into uncle xin de after lunch today! I always feel cmofortably warm around him :)

His grace is abundant

These are probably the most tiring and eventful days in a long time. But thank God, for these are also probably one of the happiest times in my life. Just to know the sheer numbers of brothers and sisters offering help and the extent to which they extend their helping hand reminds me of the early church. For this, I am eternally grateful to God for His abundant grace.

short update

My mum was hospitalized last night. She had a fall during dinner time and fortunately my sis and I was around to attend to her, called for an ambulance. She has a fractured collar bone and is on neck support just in case she has an occult fracture (once which is not reflected in the x-ray). Its nice to see instant offers of help and the show of concern from relatives and people around me. I thank God for constantly revealing my and our vulnerabilities as a family. I thank God because in this manner which he has worked in my life, it helps me to avoid a heart full of pride but fills it with humility and dependence instead. What is best, is that above all, God's goodness and mercy is constantly revealed. I thank God for His mercy & grace.

It took me till the end of the day

To realise how blessed I was to have gabriel, my jc classmate join me at work yesterday. Yesterday's workload was hardcore and the both of us only managed to finish at 5pm. The whole day was spent collecting and returning files to the racks. Felt super tired, esp my legs.

I felt super bad too! Cause I did not tell gab that the dress code was casual (polo + jeans), so he wore long sleeve hahaha.. Meant it to be a prank but did not expect there to be so much work on his first day! >< Should not have deceived him :(

Boss is on one week MC. Guess this is going to be a boring week. Haha but whenever I think so, God does otherwise. Thank God for gab's help, really! :)

For you first, God raised up His Servant and sent Him

to bless you by turning every one of you from your wicked ways.

Acts 3:26

Where does your strength lie?

Then the LORD said to Joshua, " Do not be afraid because of them, for tomorrow at this time I will deliver all of them slain before Israel; you shall hamstring their horses and burn their chariots with fire. Joshua 11:6

If the LORD is to 'hamstring' you today,

will you still acknowledge the LORD as your strength,

that the LORD, only, is your strength?

Funny 1st day @ work

I thank the LORD for providing me with a job :) Currently working as an admin asst in town area. First day was not so much of a blast, it was basically doing filing the whole day. When I went for the interview, the endless shelves of files already gave me the creeps and sort of a premonition haha.

Anyway, here's a fun fact or two for you tired-out-from-work-on-a-fri-night-reader of my blog:

1) When I entered the lift of peninsula plaza, I instinctively reached out to the button to hold the door. The next second, I blanked out as to which floor my office was located. LOL. I randomly pressed 21 and fortunately, I remembered after 10s to press on the correct floor -_- sotong ahhh

2) Before doing filing, I was categorizing my documents. I was fully utilizing my L-shaped desk and even my drawers, by opening them up. (I staggered them so I could slot documents in - Forms a shape like a stair case) ...... life goes on.

Then 'wham'. A stack of files belonging to my colleague beside me fell to the ground. I turned to my right immediately with the intention to help her, then.. 'wham'. My 2nd shelve, which is in level with my knee, fell out and landed on the office floor. AH. SO EMBARASSING. I did not look around so as to act natural lol, im pretty sure my colleagues behind me would have observed the oddness of my actions if they paid attention hahaha ><

Hope I have described those 2 experiences vividly enough to give you readers a good laugh!

I've got a cheery admin manager and a very helpful head :) (oh she's pregnant btw, hope she has a smooth delivery!)

An Audience of One

After being consumed and captured by the excellencies of Christ, I am immediately plunged into battle with (no, it is NOT anyone, it isn't anything external) my desires within. Like the stark contrast between the darkness of black and the brightness of white, like a bad joke, yes, to that extent. I plunged. I remember watching the video of a ship caught in a maelstrom in the midst of Japanese seas, I am that ship. Turbulent. Despaired.

"Trials reveal your maturity and also areas which you are weak in." Life, it is such a struggle. As time passes, as I look back, I remember my struggles. Right now? I am struggling even more. Problems left unsolved, with accumulated failed attempts at overcoming it start to pile up, they start to layer. Sin breeds more sin, more complexity, more denial, more faithlessness, more hopelessness - amplified godliness in my life.

When I sin, I offend God, I disgrace my Heavenly Father, I show contempt to Christ's work on the cross, the forbearance of the Alpha and Omega who chose me before the foundations of the world was laid, bring infinite pain to the Lamb that was slain - who has showered me with so much love, mercy, grace..all the excellencies of Christ, He was willing to sacrifice. God loves me deeply, genuinely and wonderfully. Too wonderful for my comprehension which is not worth a mention.

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." John 15:5

I am nothing, have nothing, can do nothing and stand in need of all things.

My only hope and resolve is to pray for everything from now, before every action and reaction.

devotion

A woman who is devoted to the family is virtuous,

but a woman or for that matter, anyone, who devotes to the house, is foolish.

im drunk

Finally extracted my wisdoom teeth on my left. The whole experience felt like a kidnap LOL. All that I remember of sedation (rather than local anaesthetic, cause the wound would be BIG) was that this dude was chatting with me, gave me 2 jabs to the veins of my right hand, inserting the tube then -blackout-.

Woke up, then they said they've arranged a mercedes cab for me downstairs already and they even arranged for one of their dental assistants to accompany me down. They asked where I lived and I told them queenstown. They were like chatting and saying that she stays at that area too and can take the cab too, but she did not in the end haha. Was very embarassing cause from the point that I woke up I was seriously like a drunkard, blur and jelly-ish. Thank God I managed to have the op today! Otherwise who knows what hell will await me again tonight :/

Still feeling 'drunk'. Sill bleeding quite a lot and er its weird to swallow pills with my lower lip numb lol. The dentist was one professional dude, he didn't mind answering my mum's call to consult him on post-op treatment and medication :)

Alright, I will go back to my slumber now..

Family, are people who, no matter what, will stick by your side.

The LORD, alone, is my rock

22 Feb began as a very very dark day.

The day in camp started on a very low note, with myself having to give a scolding to the men in an attempt to dissipate the fury of my superior. It was again about 5 cents worth of stuff, not worth mentioning, much less scolding, but well, the fault still lies with the errant servicemen who slacked off and did not learn from past mistakes.

While at work, I received an sms from zheng rui (~9-10am), stating that Christchurch had been hit by an earthquake and he urged me and the others to pray for jiaying's family over there. That piece of news hit me hard and caused big time turbulence inside of me. Questions rang within my head, was this really ... goodbye?

What I am about to share is to testify to the LORD's faithfulness in answering my prayers.

Knowing that I was powerless to do anything at all. What I need most now was to depend utterly on the LORD. I found myself a secluded spot and knelt to pray for God's protection and for His watchful eye to be over jiaying's family. Praise be to God! I received an sms from jiaying via cjls' phone indicating that her family was safe :)))

Having no internet access in camp is reall bothersome because I could not keep updated with the latest situation in NZ. I forwarded chai's sms to xmls, ktls & chans. I was overjoyed and really thankful for the LORD's protection and for watching over them :D that really solved a big part of the mental and emotional torture brewing within. (hahaha I think my boss also saw my expression of overjoy by chance :$)

That being said, there was something else bugging me. Yep, they managed to escape disaster and survive, but amenities and supplies are disrupted, thus survival could also become a problem should aid be inaccessible. xmls and I tried contacting cjls but to no avail, once again, questions penetrated my mind and disrupted the previously established peace within me.

There was again, nothing I could do, but pray. Night had fallen and I was on the verge of 'bargaining' with God (Abraham style), wanting to make a deal of sorts. The hope which I held within me started to fluctuate but thank God, the Holy Spirit stopped me in time before I made the impulsive prayer. The Counselor helped me to fix my faith and hope on El Shaddai, God Almighty and submit to His sovereignty. Surely, He knows better and surely, He does better than what I can.

This time I prayed for the LORD's providence and sustenance. Praise be to God! Haha dear sister chai somehow managed to connect to the internet on the morning of 23 Feb and gave us the update on her having accommodation etc. (I managed to get on the net once I dismounted) I felt really relieved and ecstatic at the same time upon reading the news on fb. This time, the inner turmoil which pervaded throughout me for the whole of yesterday finally died down. Right then, one question rang throughout the stillness of my soul - 'Why is it that the LORD listens to my prayer?"

Pondering about this question objectively, it is really a crazy fact that God actually listens to my prayer! It is indeed infinite grace and abundant mercy on God's part that He finds time to hear a child's first prayer and that saint & sinner call will always find Him there. Strength of the weak and light to the lost, how great is my LORD!

Re-pondering, He heard my prayer because it was not really mine, for every motive and every word was enable and caused by the Holy Spirit. It was by His grace that I prayed according to His will and not my own..

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything

by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving

let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension,

will guard your heats and your minds in Christ Jesus

(Philipians 4:6-7) NASB

I was taught, comforted and strengthened with the very verse which I shared with jiaying, personally - by the LORD.

The LORD, alone, is my rock!

Praise the LORD!

Life is beautiful

Life is beautiful because there is God.

God caused and there was. Things that were, things that are, things that will be...they are all in the sovereign God's hands. It is great comfort and assurance for me to know that God holds tomorrow.

Life is beautiful because there is hope.

However dark it may be, however fierce may the tempest is which arises, the key was never to look within but above.

Life is beautiful because it can only be lived once.

Like a flower, it dies after exuding its beauty for a short while.

The beauty of life lies in its exhaustible and irreversible nature.

Every action, every thought, every speech, every emotion - they carry weight.

This brings meaning to everything. This brings truth into reality.

God causes all things, I rest in that fact.

CNY :)

I haven't eaten ANY ba kwa yet!!!

I did not really spam the goodies this year but nevertheless CNY has been awesome so far :) Had reunion dinner at uncle kim hua's house (3rd uncle, maternal side) and it was a spread...no, it was a feast! There was salmon, veg with scallops, prawns, shark's fin soup, choc enclare, cream puffs, mango pudding as dessert..totally wow-ed. Other than the good food, it the night was spent watching red cliff and talking with my other cousins. Good to know that my cousin-in-law is a bball coach in northlight! (I used to work there as a finance assistant) and he mentioned that he was into doing ministry through sports and he's passionate about it.

CNY day 1, we were supposed to leave our first destination (eldest uncle's house) at 1330hrs and... 90% of the family reached only at 1315hrs LOL. Think it was a tactic cause last year we stoned there big time for a long time! Was fun playing around with my cousin joshua, who is 5 yrs old, he didnt wear his spierman suit this year but was wearing spiderman socks and a ... chinese costume, cool! Then we headed to er, im poh's house, more chatting with uncle kim on's family bout studies, army, iphones. Then it was another house, where we looked for the rabbit to play with it..

The last destination for the day was at Ang Mo Kio, for dinner. So it was only like 4pm, some went visiting at other places, some others went home. I went to su yin & malcom's house with 2 babies, several other kids and a few young teenagers, haha we were like the 'baby sitters'. They played pictureika while I just watched TV and dozed off towards the end. Oh and I discovered this super cool cark track which is battery operated that can keep the toy car running round the whole track continuously with a 'booster' at the start point - the genius of engineering! :)

By 7pm we headed over to our last destination, it was super crammed lol, almost 40 ppl cramming into a 3 room lol. Apart from watching red cliff 2, we also played this thing called the 'amazing arrow helicopter', man.. I should've played this kinda stuff when I was much younger, not now when I am feeling really old when I mix among my cousins!! Its basically this thing which can be catapulted into the air (it can fly pretty high, like 10 stories max - my best try) and then it'll slowly descend - another genius of simple engineering! :)

2nd game of the night was bingo and I won on the second rounding, hence also receiving the bounty of a $28 hongbao lol! :) 3rd game was wits & wager, I teamed up with uncle kim on, aunty jacqueline, rachel, jonathan and joshua :) it was really funny, just citing one example - question: how high is bt timah hill? our response: hmmm..~800m? EPIC FAIL.

Had a nice day! Although our family dont get together that frequently but it sure is nice to come together on occasions like that cause we still feel the family love for each other :)

200th post: Great things He hath done

For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, WHO COMMITTED NO SIN, NOR WAS ANY DECEIT FOUND IN HIS MOUTH;
and while being reviled, He did not revile in return;
while suffering, He uttered no threats,
but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously;

and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness;

for by His wounds you were healed.

For you were continually straying like sheep,

but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.

(1 Peter 2:21-25, NASB)

Being human

These words were written somewhere and or spoken by someone, "the scars remind me that the past is real."

That statement contains some truth. I think scars are a vivid reminder that there are consequences for an action, that there is a price to pay for every decision made. I am halfway through the book 'when dreams come true' (kindly lent to me by lingy) and the stories of eric and leslie (authors of the book) made me rewind and recollect some of the blunders, follies and sin which I have committed in my teenage years. Some leave a mark that cannot be erased from my memory, ever. To have regret at such a tender age is really a tragedy.

However, to stop at the stage of "..the past is real" is really depressing, it silently suggests that the future is bleak and will be shadowed by your past. Its a hopeless state, something that a christian should not fall into. A christian has hope in Christ, I feel that hope is what keeps a human living, a human without hope will die, a human 'living' without hope is merely existing - in insanity.

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind andreaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, have this attitude; and if in anything you have a different attitude, God will reveal that also to you; however, let us keep living by that same standard to which we have attained. (Philipians 3:13-16)

God has reminded me through the above passage that while the past is real, God's purpose of placing events in my life is not superficial - for the sake of a mere occurrence, like a filler, God has a purpose behind each trial and behind all that happens in my lifetime.

While scars remind me that the past is real, above that, it reminds me that the need for utter dependence on my Almighty LORD is real. In this life, dependence on the LORD is the only sensible conclusion for all the evils, insanity, pain, injustice, utter depravity and hopelessness which exists in the mortal realm.

The focus in life should not be the past nor present but eternity. The focus in life should not be on the light and momentary sufferings but the eternal glory that outweighs them all. The focus in life is not self but Him - the creator of the universe, Jesus Christ, Jehovah God to whom salvation belongs.