An apostate is one who betrays the faith and has hardened his heart to point where he has totally eliminated any possibility of make the choice to repent and turn back.
A disciple ought to be loyal, despite failure.
I should never, ever consider giving up, though it may hurt like mad, though it may continue to hurt like mad. I must be loyal to Christ. I must keep Christ's love and grace in view. I must not be both unfaithful and disloyal. I must struggle with all my might to actively repent.
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